Schewwpidd..

I never want to be a cyberbully, but what I am doing now as self defense. Where it is call equal since this person start the fire so he suffocate in my smoke from the fire he made . 

Recently I deleted all accounts from dating apps I own years ago and I just able to do it now because I think this is the time to reduce or erase all my wild past. 

But an app showed this message from a random guy. 

An old message, yes it's old but words he told toward me still making me so upset. How can a "man" Saying this to someone with un-edited pictures on her chatting apps she owned? Anyway, none of my pictures in chatting apps I edit, I am not catfish. Yes I do edit on blog, instagram and any social medias I own. Except for sort of dating apps. I am not showing any pictures I edit. 

Anyway.. REAL GUY.. How can you proud to post something like your profile picture? I am not going to zoom it , crop it because I want to make people see who started it first? You the one that greet me with those schewpidhhhh commitment you told toward me by message. 

Anyway I might wrong, you are handsome.. You are so clean, everyone can see from the beauty of your hair, baby beard hair start to grow so fresh very cutesy very demure.. 

The glass hanging on your nose bridge so beautiful.. 

Oh my God look how Real he is! So real.. From more than quarter of the earth know him as the truthful handsome picture he uses.

Can I endorse you with hair product of lice killer chemicals? Because I think it's suit on you. Since you're a real person and I am fake, so maybe clients will more believe in you to advertise anti-Lice shampoo. 

Ah fuck it's night and I need to rest. Bye

Y2K Theme soon

Surprised that my theme so disgusting ? I think the same too.. 

But now I want to tell you that I am working on the theme about Y2K and sort of Korean's idol photocard edit by K-pop fans. At this moment I am working with manually edit by Canva and I am sorry I'm dull and when I operate the Figma . I am sooo sooooo sooooo stupid. 

Recently I get to know that Figma needs sort of payment. Ah.. Shit~

Well see you later when my edit works well ;) 

Softlens Review : Haru Hana Contact Lenses

(Unsponsored - Self Review ) 

Morning has been done and I know after I write this blog I shall do my ironing. I am gonna do some ironing because the helper that came every satday decided to not coming again so.. I must doing some chores until my house has another worker. 

So, apparently.. 

My strong addict to collecting lenses giving me such a headache to remember the name the size and others. So to remember back what I wore I am giving you guys this entry with "Contact lenses" labeled also to make me easier to remember what I wore back then. 

Now let us giving our moment for this contact lenses which all the time comes to my Tiktok's explore. This contact lenses super cheap but they promised this one really comfortable to use on daily without feeling eyes easy to dry. The water consistency not high so.. Lenses won't absorb natural eye's water that body system use to moist eyeballs. 

First time I saw the price , makes me to buy all 5 pairs and impulsively wore in same week just for taking pics of those lenses. I'll give you some infos for the contacts I wore recently it's Haruhana from Spex Symbol. 

Made by polyhema, which known as good material for making soft lenses. Suit for dry eyes. 

Momo 

(Brown & Grey) 

Brown : Plano (normal eyes)-6.00 without step 0.25

Grey : Plano (normal eyes) -3.00 without step 0.25

With 15mm and 38% Water content for 6 months using . Both are cute but different vibes, widen your eyes with soft ring as the outline and boom! Brown is for the calming cute but the greyish (blue) gives the mysterious sexy one. I just realized my (while ago) tanned skin suit with both of these type. FYI, my motorcycle is done and it makes me to rid motorcycle at noon and burn my skin easier. Well, hello.. This is Indonesia the tropical country~

Sakura

(Grey & Brown) 

Grey : Plano (Normal Eyes) -6.00 (without step 0.25) 

Plano (Normal Eyes) -3.00 (without step 0.25) 

Extremely like the Sakura Grey, now I am the meme of Queen Never Cry baby with Starry eyes.

Really love how this make my eyes look wide and vibing an antagonist person which can make everyone follow my rules like I am the Queen. BWAHAHAHAH...  

For the brown, I wore in same moment for capture the look, it giving ma more calming looking. But both are great and Stay for hours without make eyes feel dry. 

Sakura Grey.. 

(Will Update soon) keep waiting babyyy~ 

 

Angel Have Pink Hair (?)

Sadly I'm just a mermaid in human form. Lol. 

recently on the Tiktok I listened to this word say "Angel Have Pink Hair" Yooooo.. I know I used to have pink magenta hair but.. NOW I WANT PURPLE 🟣. LIKE TARO PURPLE HAIR!!! 

I've tried many time to find the right purple but my heart goes to this kinda purple hair shades. 

Back when I was in my teenage era purple hair I adore was on Katy's purplish blue hair. First saw the MV of Wide Awake. It took my heart !!!! 

Sadly no cheap hair colorant I can buy with shade of hers. Only the shocking purple which I think resemblance with brinjal. Big no. 

As if you are forgot her hair.. This is her hair on the MV. 

This color brighten her up. I guess some of people Born with naturally blond have powers when they dyed their hair to be darker. Like Billie and Katy, both born with blond hair, dark bring them best look. 

Hmm.. 

At this moment my hair has purple in the ends and I think I want to take off the extension so I can dye my hair fully purple with such a soft pastel purple like this pic I found on Pinterest. 

Would be suit to my Douyin look I adore!! 

Dunno if it's wig or not.. 

This is color I hope could be on my head later! 

Hope my hair will be okay with crazy hair stuff I would done on my head! 

I AM PART OF HIS LIFE OR WHAT EH?

Yesterday I went to Jakarta for a job, I am doing makeup artist assistant job for filling my leisure. Went with team from Bandung to Jakarta. 

Without knowing whose family I will do the makeup. Because leader invited me to join and leader also don't know about my background. So it isn't planned that I took this job without knowing who the couple is.. 

Long story short, I arrived to the hotel and the room let's say number 1,where me and my makeup artist leader do the makeup for the family members of the couple who allegedly do the wedding on Saturday 16 of Nov. 

Firstly, 

Talked to the first lady I did her makeup and well.. Knew some information that she is related to my cousin as her high school friend. So I started to be quite and not talking much things to her in case that she'll tell my cousin things, such a small world that I didn't understand. 

While done the makeup, at room 2,across the room 1,which slightly I can see from room 1 it's a bit open so I can see through a bit there's another makeup artist who did the makeup. I haven't see the bride but in room 1 I see someone slept on the bed which I really curious like.. 

I was a spontaneous person at uni, now I need to be more behave to make people around me feel safe and comfortable to talk to me. Still, Bright Jeremiah is spontaneous person but she a bit behave now.. 

The guys sometimes awake and I worked with my face covered with mask to avoid my breath might reach clients' face which is uncomfortable. I don't say I have sting smelly breath. But breathing in front of someone's face who isn't close with us is weird yet disgusting. 

Slightly I look at the groom and thinking like MAY LONG LONG TIME AGO, I did something to him that made me sure he's having something with me in the past. But working made me focused to the clients. This guy tried to talk to me and of course could be because my face has vitiligo which make people easy to remember me even I covered my face with the mask, my forehead visibly shown the vitiligo. 

While I did the makeup of the Groom's sister (which I knew from her facial features that look similar to the Groom) , I asked many questions for make her enjoy and feel comfortable. But, 

Felt so strange for the Groom's act while I did the makeup. Feel sooooo weird and why I began to be asking close much things to his sister about the family's background. 

4 people done later after did the makeup completely, and I have leisure a bit to rest but the groom talked to me like he knew me but I didn't really care much. 

Until.. 

I saw the Bride, I don't know her at all.

and my mind started to thinking Damn, WHO IS THIS GUY? I am 100% sure we met before and I might made something to him. 

Speaking of love story, HE NEVER BE MY LOVE ONE. But.. 

After all curiosity and rememberance back like all of sudden after I went back home.. 

I found out

The Groom and I went to same university and we went to the same organization , different major but same year of the class of this organization. 

Years ago, 

I have my friend (same major) , let's name her Lottie, to save her name and misunderstood would happen for future. Lottie and I were close in the class of organization at uni. 

Once I feel so weird with the way of the guy, name him Jake. So I spontaneously and with so much joy always mumbling and annoying Lottie with some of love matching

"Aww love birds.. "

"Hey Mrs. Jack"  And many many love matching words for Lottie. I wasn't really care what happened behind my annoying jokes. 

UNTIL... 

I began to ask Lottie on WhatsApp because no chance to meet her even Lottie now still in Bandung, what was the name of the guy I match her without any reason because I was just such an annoying brat. She didn't mention his name . I hold Jack's name but didn't tell Lottie first the name because wasn't sure if it's the guy I was jokingly match with Lottie. Used to forget that moment for while during my lot of business on my brain  and short ability of remembering. 

Without mentioning his name, Lottie sent me picture of him and WELLLLLLL... Turned out She confessing about one THING I NEVER KNEW. 

After some joke match thing I did, BOTH BEGAN TO DATE secretly without me knowing it. FUCK. I AM A MATCH MAKER? LOL. 

So.. Valid, they both dated after the jokes and sadly from the relationship didn't work because of the family problem which I am sure it's from the groom . 

Now it make sense why the groom stare at me a while and talked to me like we've talked before. Well.. Everything now answered!!!! 

From the Joke to Dated and now Lottie and Jack separate then he married the bride. I am someone who made this love story and at the wedding day I CAME TO JACK'S WEDDING WITH CONNECTION AS MEMBER OF HELPER OF THE WEDDING (AS THE MAKEUP ARTIST FOR THE FAMILY) . 

GOSH...  Don't understand it but WHY THE FUCK IS THIS WORLD SO SMALL? 

Now it makes sense me and Jack awkwardly feel like we've meet before. I feel like now I am the part of his love life even me and him not close at all. 

Now I am guessing that he's thinking of how small is this world too after he remember me after the wedding.. 

WELL.. unbelievable!! 

Hey you Pretty lady~

Arghhhh!!!! 

I've been waiting for many many days for this thing happen! 

Weeks of waiting and here we goes.. My new motorcycle is here.. 

After year plus, I neglect it at garage and decided to use sort of kinda Uber, huft.. Say no more to Uber! 

Hello Pixie, if you wondering who pixie is, it's my motorcycle name, she's been in my life since 2011 for good reason I lend it to my dad and now my dad passed away and well.. Also sold my black motorcycle so, Pixie is absolutely mine now!!! 

Years of owning it, thru all conditions, weather and some of mechanical problem. I think to not going to buy another new because of the memory I see on Pixie.. First matic motorcycle I chose its color because I fuckin love the purple and pink. Look so girlyyyyy~

Anyway, This is Pixie before... 

Ugly, rotten and super damaged after several times my dad had incidents, please do not misunderstood about it. My dad passed away not because incident he had. He had stroke. 

Pixie was the motorcycle I choose when my mom decided to buy one after the black, the black was non matic and used by my cousin to went to university back in years ago so.. I shared bike with my dad. 

During process, the rainy season so annoying! It raining all the time, I hate it after the repair man always giving promise it'll be done soon but sun not even giving support for painting time to be finish sooner. Fuck. I hate rain so bad since I am older, back in my childhood, rain was a free playground for me until my mother scold me badly for having all my body wet by play under the rain. 

Back to Pixie, 

It visibly she needs so much make over from the machine to the color. I don't want the white only just going to be the white.. So I asked repairman to create some effect of pinkish violet color as silk coat on the white base. If I am not wrong it called Lembayung color. As an example you can see this below example from Google 

Lembayung is name of its color between the purple and magenta which still translated to be "Purple" And include to the category of purple. 

Some of rotten parts also fixed, good job repairman! 

This is the bone of Pixie when body parts taken to be fixed. Surprised because it makes pixie look more smaller than what actually she look. 

Have you seen a naked motorcycle? So this is it.. 

Pixie also has it foam wide open after year of neglected in garage so it need to be fix also. Everything fixed !!! 

Pixie's parts during some of re-color. Needs some time for it to have best result with some chemicals I don't know what those are. Only the repairman understand it. 

Below, I show you the colorant.. 

Looks like pearly purple right? But when it's applied this is going to look white as the dominant / base color and extra coat of this silk purple

Look at those shineeeee. Make your eyes blind or not? 

Well Imma give you part 2 as the result of pixie's makeover !!! 

is this Jeffree Star?

At this moment during my leisure as this time is the cloud is spitting and my curiousity of learning more about photoshop. I mean I've use it since years ago for small edit but.. 

I want to be someone who photoshop my pics till some people hate me and accusing of catfishing. LOL. 

But now I have my 2023 photoshop with me installed, while it started to be running.. 

I always feel if I see Jeffree star on my monitor.. 

Am I the only one or at the moment I just being delusional about Jeffree actually see me from the other place,Spy me from an away place. 

But look at this nowww... 

LOOK NOW.. Those two eyes looking at me. Those skinny and long hands appear like it's actually Jeffree in disguise!!! 

loss it loop

Week ago I had my tooth taken during impaction problem where the tooth (wisdom tooth) grew so bad. Got this stitched and recently I ate food then felt like my tongue feel something hanging.. 

Then while I am curious and pull the hanging one I thought it's meat slip in my gap of teeth. I feel it's like something hanging and attach to the gum. Later seen it and omg! 

The stitch loss it loop and I need to wait for 3 days to get it away from my gum. Well.. I need to he more patient

This is how it look. The black colored wire

Not that painful just feel annoyed tbh :/

WHERE YOU SPENT ALL YOUR MONEY?

SKINCARE and MAKEUP.

yes, If I were lost in an island without any internet connection I probably going to makeup-ing the chimpanzees. like my wish on The Sims 2 Castaway for PS2, my un-satisfied mind were complaining a lot for the fruits that taken couldn't be makeup. I mean, Blackberry can be use for blush and lipstick.

Citrus can be use for skincares and helps black armpits lighter. and many more I hope I can do when I played the Sims Castaway. and well I finished it! AND EVERY ISLAND HAS DIFFERENCES.

back when I was young and bro owned PS2, I bought The Sims CDs , from Castaway to the Bustin Out.
I know I am not an expert gamer, but I play many games, which into Simulation games. 

as a The sims enthusiast, I can telling you the all PS 2 sims I've played before

The Sims 2

(pic : Google)

First time I played this Sims, I was in a place like net cafe but it's called rental PS, paid 2k rupiah/hour or maybe 20 cents or an hour. this game was the favorite for many of friends I met at the PS rental station. I could spending 5 hours just for this game.

this game has 2 mode of living, where we can only play and stay in same lot or can changing location by different modes. from the mode which can move,from what I remember there's a households where we can stay and join together : the Yacth with a rich couple, the labs of Aliens,not a surprise about Alien in the Sims, because Aliens exist only in the US. and many households with different vibes. and many more!

for personal mode (non moving mode) you can build the house as you can wish but beside of your TVs screen there's the meter of fire I think, the more the building build with many furniture the high risk of the house having fire problem.

so far, this game cannot having kid and all players are young-adult.

Love : This Game can collect the fishes inside the aquarium by pet them inside the aquarium, feed them reguraly and 

Hate : cannot have kid(s),limited way of building the house, I don't really like to building with console stick.

The Sims 2 : Castaway

this game scenario started from some people in yacht to vacation somewhere, during their happy time, a big wave came and made them lost in the unknown Island without any human, only animal (Chimpanzees) ,the sim you played going to learn how to create nature stuffs, eat berries,babanas,citrus and spears the fishes.

this sims must follow the rules to escape from first island and build something to connect it to other Island, like collecting vines,ropes,and the funny was chicken fur, I mean how? you build the bridge with chicken fur? 

it has 3 Islands to explore, and my favorite was the Volcano one. 

the temple so cool! You must Play this GAME! I know this is an old game but this is cool!

Love : Every Island has different vibes to explore and many unexpected directions to enter new places.

Hate : I hate the Babi Hutan (Boar) that destroy the house I built, I hope I can eat the boar and roast it.

The Sims Bustin Out

Bustin out is the one that I just realized recently that I had incest character, WHERE MIMI AND DUDLEY (I had crush with Dudley!!!) , Dudley is the character that took my heart as a 13 YO kid. had a cool messy style with the beanie. Mimi (my character) tried to have kid, but... he always say no, I feel like something is wrong with the game. later, I found out that MIMI AND DUDLEY ARE SIBLINGS. SWEET HOME ALABAMA... 

Love : this game can played in normal sims, like create the character, even create the kids (not infant, I never know how to make sims pregnant there)

Hate : saving all the time, my memory console always full because of this game always automatically saving your journey when you move to other's place(s).

The Sims 2 : Pets

THIS IS THE LAST AND THE FAVORITE I EVER PLAY, since I was young, I want to have puppies and you KNOW MY DREAM COME TRUEEEE by this sims pet,
During my childhood, I played this for hours and breed the puppies, I want to be Paris Hilton, who owns many of dogs and puppies. if I could play this again, I would name my puppies a very very cute and charming name : Ruby,Jasmine and Goddard, the Jimmy Neutron's dog.

you can visit park for many things like shopping,haircut,adopt and play with anothe pets. 

pets available here are Cat and Dogs, but I am not a cat person, so I always breed the dogs and living in happy house with the dogs.

Love : can have many dogs

Hate : I hate cleaning the house when they pee everywhere

that's it.

The Sims for PS2 I played, I might never play the URBZ, would like to try one day, and many more in the PS3-PS5 I haven't play that. if PLAYSTASION COMPANY WANT TO SEND ME ONE OF THE PS3-PS5 I would happily to review the Sims on PS.

is there anything you want to know more about my The Sims experience for PS? free to ask :)

Great device brings you greay pictures

 for many years of loving the Androids and never fall in love to another (except one day I find another phone is cooler). I am a sincere Androids owner and love my android phones.

before the Android Fame, I used to use Nokia and Blackberry back in 2011 where all the people shared their own PIN Randomly to get more friends,
TBH.. I miss Blackberry Messenger Era and when I was younger because I was so fame on Blackberry messanger, I mean 100+ people around the world in my private contacts. the era of blackberry phones were the Era of Bieber Fever, and teenagers that time  mostly girls with high insanity of loving Biebers and Purple, include me, and STARTED TO WRITE AND HALLUCINATE SHITS ABOUT I WILL MEET HIM AND GET MARRIED TOMORROW.

now?

he's richer and world know him as a handsome singer BUT ME STILL HERE, as a normal person who write her own blog still with less than 6 fingers. my typing shit in my laptop so bad and slow, and that's reason I love my phone to type. I type fast in phone.

instead of doing some of the things like blogging,social media and many things..

I love to create art in my phone, and it include the pictures it capture.

now I am holding my newest phone from Infinix, which called Infinix Note 40 Pro with 108mp general camera and 32mp front camera. I thought this is for gaming only, but..

it is amazing for the capturing Value, with great design of phone case and this is amazing where this phone also wireless charging but also has type C system of charging. this double things make me more feel lucky to buy this one. so..

I know you guys want to see what I captured, okay here's the main camera because front cam is something I avoid, because, I hate to see unedited pics of me, so, other than faking the pic quality I'd rather to show you pictures I capture from the main camera.

here it is!!!

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nothing.

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hahaha sorry I kidding.

These are random pics I captured while I hold my new phone with 108MP MAIN CAMERA. HAHAHAHA... 

it is cool sensation when you can capture great pixels of phone by only under $300 phone. you must have it! and see the cool sensation of having the smartest camera.

it'll alarm itself when the camera dirty, so you need to HAH HAH on the top of camera and wipe the cam. must be something you absolutely once ever try in your life to breathe out to the cam of your phone, such a crazy BUT REAL thing!

what you guys think? should I do more photograph or I must end the journey here? hahaa no lah.

I'll keep doing the art and stuffs till I die as an artist. Amen.

Foundations I love in this world!

 if you think I will try and capture one by one pic of those foundations, NOOOOOO....

tiring me a lot, plus my face could irritate for many times of remove the foundation on my face, so Please just making me reviewing me these instead of proof of the pictures, because I couldn't do that. That's tiring me!

Anyway,

I might been away for moment and here I am! Not dying or dissappear in Madagascar kidnapped by King Julien. Many of people wish for me to show my real skin no foundation and here it is!

Wiped it before capture the picture hehe :3

Little background of the foundation, I use foundations for years already and at age 13 I have my own. Because at age 4,they did makeup on me for special occasion so it's not count as the time of me start to use my own makeup. But yes,they did makeup for special occasions and when I was a kid. I was a pretty kid.. 

This is the fact,disagree? Fuck you. 

For many times changing my foundations,here nice and best lists of your makeup base . Most of these are new ♡

I am not sure if your country has this brands,don't blame me!

Barenbliss 2 in 1 (Foundation and Concealer)

Bought this moment ago at Tiktok and feeling so happy now I don't really need to think hard for owning concealer. Because 2 in 1 can help me to get the foundation and the concealer.

Why do I need concealer?

Well I need it to cover the blemishes.

Pro : easy to bring anywhere I want

Contra : Concealer amount too small, make it balance please!

8.0/10

Left : Foundatioon Right : Concealer

Mother Of Pearl

A Gemini always knows how to create amazing things as this brand. MOP or we could call it Mother Of Pearl! Bought this with travel size!

My first love caught by this foundation,wheb I tried this foundation without any base, THIS IS AWESOME AND LOVE HOW IT STAYS ON MY FACE.  Once at the store I told I couldn't afford it but the travel size is awesome!!!! Awesome  ane Awesome!

Inside of this package are 4! Primer,Foundation,Concealer and SUPER GOOD LOOSE POWDER. I adore the loose powder so much!

Quite cute for a RP. 3××.××× 

11/10

Ultima II

So bought this one because I think I need to have this one for my clients. I BELIEVE THIS FOUNDATION GONNA HELP MY CARRIER RAISED. 

I haven't try it yet so I can't value thjs ♡ 

I promise you I will Room tour when it's done ♡

Hello.. at the moment I am waiting for first layer of this wall dry with the spinning fan to make it faster drying. Because when you apply in semi wet or wet walls for second layers, it'll totally ruin the whole paint. So, I make sure dor first layer to perfectly dry, apply it again and tidy up the lines with sort of paper tape that satisfy a lot when you take it off the wall after the lining section.

Why don't you pay someone to paint it?

First of all, I can do it. 

Second, I am not as rich as you think.

Third, I saving up my money for makeup and beauty purpose, plus sometimes I need like nailart equipments,yes I own small nail studio. You are welcome to visit and do the nail treatments.

Anyway, 

I KNOW. I will judged by my mom because I pick such a childish color. But i want this room have like the magical effect. I mean,the colors remind me of Odette or Rapunzel Barbie which colorize my childhood in early 2000s, I watched so many of Barbie was aired on Indosiar every weekend and Iove the pastel so bad!!!

So I promise you guys when the renovation done. I WILL POST EVERYTHING I CAN POST.

Please do not think I neglect my blog anymore after many times of lack to blog. Yes I am busy with renovate my studio and my room so I make people come here feel comfortable so bad ♡

See you soon!

We are no longer friends..

The more I older,the more I need to reduce the people from my life for the difference view. Now I realize I don't need to make another people happy and I become the one that hurted for make them happy.

So,

I had an ex friend, for the first time I feel like she needs friend but later on for the new friend she left me and well time to grow up and think about myself. 

I don't want write her name on this site but I will telling you I've been seeing worst things around her but I am always kept my mouth shut. But today I have myself disappointed and very very sad because she done something that hurt me a lot when I need support system she gave me worst result I'd rather never tell anything about my feeling now.

Started for me to chat her for my feeling on having my mom as someone that make me feel like I am in hell. I wish I never have something I have now. Because mentally, I am disturbed and I need someone to HEAR ME. NOT ADVICING ME. I just need a listener but ended up she replied some shits that hurting my feeling and it is the beginning of I won't come to her anymore.

Because I think she just wasting my time and making me hate people more.

SHE HAS BEHAVIOR THAT she will away when she find a boyfriend and keep herself busy with her boyfriend.  Once, I went to a mall with her and I didn't know that time she and the boyfriend were having problem and he came to pick her. SHE ASKED ME GO HOME WITH MOTORCYCLE MYSELF. From the first she said need company to go to the mall. And THIS MALL WAS SO FAR AWAY FROM MY HOUSE.

She always glorified her boyfriend(s) and will forget about me,but when they left, she will crazily ask anyone to hate her ex and she definitely will ask me to block the ex. When I am never having problem with her ex. Like she's only thinking about boyfriend and obsessed with them. She will forget me instantly but she will beg to cry for someone who treat her like shit.

Well.. I am no longer friend with this person. Because instead of getting peace in my heart,I am started to think she needs me when she break up with someone. 

Now I am brave enough to push people away from my life and make new friends. I am open for good people, please don't make me as someone you think I can only be you friend when you have bad feelings only.

Please, Stop Terroring me!

The story of Rick hasn't end yet. ARGHHHH... GOSH PLEASE!!! WHY'S THIS SO COMPLICATED TO UNFRIEND SOMEONE WHI DESERVE THAT BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY ANNOYING ME!!!! ALSO, I KNOW HE FOLLOWING MY BLOG. Because for many months I put my blog link into my account of Instagram.

Also I feel he's attempting to get access to my Instagram because 3 days ago or so, I woke up with 2 notifications in my phone. 

First notifications of my Instagram told me that someone from the US tried to get the access of my Instagram and it located in his hometown. Cannot tell the country side name because many of people could know who Rick is..

Plus my phone received an access code and Thank God I declined them. And make sure my Instagram won't get hacked by someone I believe it's Rick.  Why? 

One day,years ago..

He videocalled me and he told me that he was hacking something like ticketing to meet celebrity he adored. TO BE HONEST.. 

I am seeking for a help from someone that understand a lot about social media and how to not making it hacked. I love privacy I keep in some social medias, and if it's leaked. I WILL FEEL IT IS A SHIT IN MY LIFE. What happened between us already gone and forever will stop,Rick.. Grow up! You're living in Indonesia now = I am not feeling secure.

Anyway..

Let's wishing if it is not Rick, because the more I ignore him,the more I get my social media unsecured. After I block him, many of things happened. 

You might say I am made up this story, but what will you do if your life fills with terror(s) after you pick to unfriend someone or tried to giving the distance with someone but you get terrors after that. 

This is what I feel this time, I wish for Rick to stop doing anything possibly making me feel not secure. And if one day my social media hacked, you must be know who the one who doing that. Because now I am trying hard as I can do to make everything secure.

Anyway..

I bought cool tone eyeshadow from KKV-Online store on Tiktok and I received and learning again about where cool tone color match for, I mean the skintone.

I mostly use the warm color for my eyeshadow purposely for making an illusion of big-eyes I always want to have. As you know,I love big eye makeup and Japanese makeup is an inspire for me.

Everytime I think about Japan, I remember Pink is such an amazing color for Japanese styles. Would be happy one day for myself to arrange everything around me colored pink and purple. But pink match every skintone well!

This is my cool pallette of eyeshadow and this color is amazing but not suit for big eyes makeup. This cool tone eyeshadow will giving you smaller eyes and most of Asian doesn't like it.

My birth name is Della and when first time I saw the brand name is Shedella like year ago, I am obsessed to know more about the Shedella makeup. But you know I am not wealthy enough so..  i have another chance for buy another Shedella Eyeshadow with a year of gap time. 

Shedella is one of brands produced/manufactured in China. Chinese makeup always be the coolest, one day if I have chance to own makeup brand. I will pick the China manufacture to create my own because you can get EVERYTHING in China.

This palette has nice ice cream charms tape on the palette, like it so bad even everything written in the palette mostly Chinese I don't know how to read..

When the case opened, pretty colors comes out and I FUCKIN LOVE IT SO BAD. The fusion of light glittery blue and yellow eyeshadow remind myself as this is the another version vibes of Starry night by Van Gogh.

I haven't touch it yet! So.. I cannot tell how good or not this tray. But....

Look the gradient color!!!!! Cannot wait to show you guys. This palette fill with 8 colors of cool tones!

The truth..

Since many years of my life, I am always be the problem in this house. Is it because I'm a troublemaker? No.

They did me nasty.

At this moment I really want to tell whole of my readers how I feel, after years of become a victim of my family. Not my uncles/auties but brothers and my mom.

I know my mom is a good person but also she has good way of betraying her only daughter. You can call me a bad daughter for this truth and anything I write. Sometimes I just need writing down my feelings after that I will absolutely feel better. Coz during this time of I am working on my blog. I hate my brothers and my mom, let's just say I just hate the way they treat me.

Yes I graduated from best university and all people wish me for having a good job at the office at least but years of trying. And 2 jobs I had. My mom never satisfied. She always telling to whole family that I am not working yet and in front of my face. It's hurting me a lot. Never try to decline what she said because she has very old school mind which think working in non office = no job.  But she always tell everyone I have no job. But what about my nail studios and makeup freelance job?? 

She never care. And I am so hurted by brothers too. In my life where I see every daughter will treated nicely and of course new stuffs to wear or use.

I definitely treated so bad during my university starts.. 

Let's say that time I started how to become away from family and I feel that is awesome when I had my life more free and nothing can make me feel bad.

New clothes for university? No. I EVEN ASKED FOR NEW CLOTHES TO MY MARRIED COUSIN. She had many clothes I wear to my uni. That time my mom always telling me she has no money and that happened all the time I asked new clothes because I say I need pair new one to at least match my university's students at my uni.

I been bullied for clothes I wore,but I didn't care because my uni has typical of covered clothes where I was a girl who has short skirts but it is still ok because under the knees. I believe everytime someone tries to not care of what another one say, she/he will get mentally abused. The difference just can or can't you pass this.

Well for 2 years of my university life I am okay with my old university clothes. Then my dad took me to buy new clothes on my birthday. Also he bought me new phone that time. That was the first time I had 2 or 3 new clothes and jeans.

During the time of my mother she say she doesn't have a money,she secretly saved the money for my brother. He wanted to be someone who needs to pay a lot for the career. Can't tell what is this job. But this one is the one who paid more than 400 millions rupiah to finish it. But ended up with he gave up and went to the rich and borjuis university.

During his time of starting university,he was only need zoom meeting and still paid very much. 3x of my uni payments.

But one time I saw that my mom gave money for him to buy new clothes. And of course I feel hurted. I was begging clothes to my cousin but later on.. I saw he has chance to buy new clothes. And my mom say it's his own money. Oh.. what a liar! He just a mama boy,which the mother treat him as a king and I hurted a lot for what my mom did for years of my life.

Not stop by that,

When I was in uni.. I tried my best to never asking anything that charge her a lot. Yes I went to university with Art and Design faculty.

Art stuffs are expensive and I well known as someone who borrowing friend's stuffs. Such a shame but that is my way to suffering things around. I wasn't able to buy stuffs. 

You might think I had my first laptop when i started my uni. Haha..  you wish. I had it new because my old laptop broken already and it was belong to my brother. I have 2 brothers anyway. Let's call him A and B for the latest brother.

I never had something new other than begging from part of family I have. I always keep calm for that but FUCEK.. FUCEK AND FUCEK..

A and B always got new one. And since I see how my parents treat me and them.. they're spoiled boy. And because I understand I will never treated as them. And this treatment making me love to thrift the clothes because I only can buy the cheap clothes by money I own. Because I am the only one who spent money a lot of repairing and adding needed stuffs to this household . 

I can't tell more of what happened in my life, sometimes I must keep it as secret. And if you guys think I am okay. I think I am okay but my environment is not.

If you say be a good girl so they like you,you wish. When I try to be good. They will push me and treat me like an animal. This is hurtf fact about me.

I just feel today I should tell the world I am not okay atm.

attempting to be a Douyin soon (?)

 as many of you guys know that I am so in love with thick makeup and I adopt many of way of do makeup. I believed I follow Gyaru cute look but always ended up looking like I am mixed. 

many of uni friends told me I am not Kawaii when I posted a video of me attemting the Japanese signature makeup of Gyaru, they told me I have non-asian facial figure. shit.. WHAT ABOUT MY EYES? IT FUCKING HOODED SO WHENEVER I PUT EYELINER AND OPEN THE EYES, IT IS NORMAL FOR ME IF THE LIDS OR EYE LINE DISAPPEAR OR FOLDED BY MY OWN EYELIDS. 

now I am already a MUA as my freelance job, my phone even related only to makeup or nailart (I do nails also) , but not a big surprise when I am looking at how gyaru girls making the look of innocent looking with pastel colors. I know I am an Asian with Autumn Season which match pink so bad, BUT I LOVE PURPLE MORE. so I make this blog pink, and hoping one day going to have my signature color to be purle. as you know I have my bedcover and lot of daily stuffs in purple colors! but it means, for years I have using wrong color,but because I love the color, so I put it on everything.

anyway, I purple you ya... 

Today I have chance for having a pair of colored contact lenses which people on Tiktok believe it is the color for Douyin, to be honest when I saw for the first time douyin makeup and many reels of they do the challange, like recorded of they zpplying makeup while they walk to tranportations or anywhere I don't know.

but ended up like a fairy looking Asian  or the Chinese figures of perfect looking of animated human. but of course never trust what you see online, it's edited and I've seen many unedited Douyin makeup.

remember, skin has textures. so it is just like a thick makeup with mostly reddish looking or drunk makeup, sometime I feel like Asians makeup mostly when it is done, it will giving ivory/ pinkish looking.

I bought color contact lens from Tiktok, it was 500000(Aud 50) for 4 boxes and  colors. but this one is the cutest and I feel like so anime.

the lenses name is Mystic Eyes in color Twilight Wolf Grey. 

well, thank you for seeing me in Douyin looking (I know I haven't fully douyin looking with the makeup) . this is grey when you put it on the darkest brown eyes, but brown when it's un-applied.

I will learn more about douyin. and giving you all updates :)

I dreamed of Bill Kaulitz was my husband and we have a daughter

Before you judge me, this is not a hallucination. It is dream I had and every dream I remember always relate with what I saw before going to sleep.

So, the guy name Bill Kaulitz, the Singer of Tokio hotel. I Like him and his feminine side which I believe if we were in real life we can share the makeup and skincare together. Hehe..

Last videos I watched was Tom and Bill , but later on I slept with my phone I did not care if its locked or not.

What I remember was yesterday I slept and in my dream I was in a king size bed and the blanket colored like leopard fur synthetic but felt soft, this dream is realistic dream I had and I remember.

So..

This blond haired guy came to the room with kimono and I know him. It's Bill Kaulitz and dream is a dream. You cannot control, at least you have power to do that. But what I remember he hold a kid that in my dream says she's my daughter and her age is 3 but very spoiled with her dad.

In the dream I even stand next to him and I know I am only 149cm and he's european which I did not know the height but just googling he's 192. Damn. 

Later the nanny came and took the daughter out of bedroom. I was still standing next to him and he was so tall in my dream. Like i am same height as his nipples area. In that dream i even asked like

"How do we fuck and have a daughter? You tall as hell" then.. he said

"By inserted my cock to you? It's legal because we married " I LAUGH A LOT in the dream.

Then I wokeup like spontaneous and see the clock it's  2 in afternoon already.. 

WHAT THE DREAM. This dream was the funniest and realistic dream I had in my life.

While I write this his answer haunting me and make me laugh a lot. Omg..

Bill,if you read this because you randomly see this entry. Thank you for read something weird as my dream. I blame the Tiktok because I watched you there so I dreamed weird dream as this hahahaha...

Dear Rick..

Recently I decided to block Rick from my Instagram and also his GF. You might think I am unstable. I think 70% yes and 30% I need to block him.

I don't know what kinda misunderstood we are but I feel something is really really makes me want to away from him. I am very disappointed and hid it for many many years. 

First of all,

I was the one who silent treatment him and he sent me a VN I couldn't reply. That time my heart ache of what he did. By lying to me and it wouldn't be that bad if he honest from the start about he spoke to another Indonesian girls. So in that time I am gonna be secure and of course I will make myself not fall in love to him before he said something like all youngers want to hear

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Thats what supposed he say. But what I found his instagram commented 😍  by another Indonesian girl who I believe she's from central Java. She's a girl who wore very nice religious cloth but she changed for the thing I know, she moved to Bali because her mother marry an Australian man. Also while I saw her instagram and feel like..

She changed to be aesthetically brown skinned style. I mean yes, people changed but what she done more crazy and attention grabbing in some pics.

Let's call this girl Rick hid from me years ago "Becky" if Beyonce said "Becky with a good hair" I call her "Becky with.." but hey, what's good thing about her? I DON'T SEE. I mean I checked her Instagram, I found that she just a girl who tanning a lot. Just call her Becky lah..

Becky and I never spoke and yes, I was the one that got away from Rick and I never want it ended with blocking his instagram like I did yesterday.

So, now Becky dated another foreigner..

Rick date a girl,let's name her "Lily" I don't know her background but from the pics I see.. gosh..

Am I the only one that doesn't like taking pictures in beach, I mean I had many poses but I like taking photos in rooms other than nature. Later on,

I saw Lily's name after it appeared on Rick's phone. In that time I dated someone and my ex knew I will go with Rick for meet up,but..

I live in Southeast Asia, where Caucasian will be the focus,mostly. 

Saw the name and look at her Insta, in same date where Rick told me he came to Indonesia for seeing the concert I don't know and I never have interest to watch concert. Because I am introverted myself and hate crowd with loud sounds. But I am ok to watch cinema because cannot see people in the dark. Only the light from screen and movie played.

Our met up not that good.

Things happened,

I never see his Instagram and I restrict him so I won't have any chance for him to see my new posts and stories. Its like my way to be nice to someone I feel weird.

While I am having my instastories, he appeared everytime he updating his instastory. The red circle in his profile that appear as someone seen me makes me want to know. It's like..

Does he want to take revenge or what? Coz for me.. I forgive him already but please act or do something nice. Do not try to make me feel uncomfortable by the way you making some alert of updates.

He probably will liked my stories or recent post (if it's like days ago post he will absolutely liked it) if he post pics. He will sign and alarm me. Yes, I know you are graduated from number 1 world best university but you acted like 14 for attention. We forgiving eachother but.. we will never together, Lily might going to be your future wife, I always pray for that and wish you best.

I never wish but I know he wants my attention, from the way he always showed up in my instastory if he updating something. I mean, a friend told me restrict will work and make him almost impossible to see my instastories or posts appear on his screen or notification except if he search my profile. CMIIW.

So, last night I decided to block him and Lilly. Even she never see me as what Rick wanted, stupid idea from a guy who graduated his master in best university.

Then how to deal with if Rick knows one day I block his Instagram?

Of course, if he contacted me I will telling him I am always feeling uncomfortable with him after meet up and another invitation to go with Lilly. Shit.

You think I will? Nah.. once the professor named Gwen Stefani says "uh oh.. eat my shit" . That the best words for them.

You just jealous thats why you block him!

If you say so, yes. Satisfied? First of all.. if I am jealous of his happiness with Lilly, I never did. Trust me, when I saw that he brings her to many countries, I am ok with that but one thing I never forget is,where I say .. I love Thailand, I will be there one day to meet my friend,Guang, to Rick. I FEEL LIKE... YOU TRY TO MAKE ME MAD AND JEALOUS BECAUSE I TOLD YOU THAT? Damn,Rick.. I understand your way of revenge. You didn't really amicably peace with what happened.. 

I know Rick will read it,because I know he will. Sorry, I block you. 

I been bear hurtful thing from what happened, even when I had my boyfriend with me you kept chat me and when you were in vacation with Lilly to an Island I forgot the name. You even texted me with many words towards to you feel not excited with Lilly at first,because..

You did not open your phone during you walk with me. Except for maps. You even decline the text from Lilly that time. While I was updating what I did to my (ex) boyfriend. Coz he wanted me to be safe. 

For all things happened to us in past, I am sorry if I were so childish. I just an early 20 year old girl. And I used to be angry for reason in past.

Finally, if you need a help from me. I might never gonna show up in your world, and I am hoping you will found best girl/wife you wanted. Also..

Did you make this Korean girl follow my account (saw she follows you,lilly and your mom)? No you don't need to answer by try to contact me. But well, she's still my follower. If she's part of your life and she will say something.

Okay lah.. time for making another useful entry. Story end. Thank you for being part of my life and taught me,not all smart people have smart decisions. If you keep trying to contact me, I will take all your stories up, and I hold all your secrets~

Jeffree star must read this..

am I the only one that normalize the old jeffree without eyebrows look not as weird as other people shave off their brows. I mean YES I DID SHAVE IT OFF BUT IT WAS DAMN UGLY AND I LAUGH TO REMEMBER IT. 

let us back to the time where I shave off my brows for artsy reason and I want to know...

whole of my life as an artsy person, I am very very glad that I've tried something unusual, I shaved off my eyebrows and I got many questions relate to myth happened in Indonesia.

"Can you see ghost?" 

ofc, yes.. It is easy steps of seeing ghost, first.. go to nearby closet with the mirror in it, then stand up but make the mirror reflect your baclk, DO NOT LOOK BACK FOR 30 SECONDS, then.. call the Ghost you want to see.

and look slowly into the mirror and see what reflect.

what a stupid question, irrational but well I did not see any ghost while my eyebrows shaven off years ago. it make me easier to make the best eyebrows look. but I'd rather to let it be there for small shapes 

FYI I did eyebrows embroidery, my eyebrow emroidery gonna give shade of my gooo... ah! IT IS NOT GOOD ANYMORE DURING YEAR OF EYEBROW EMBROIDERY. sometimes I hate to decided to do the eyebrows embroidery. because now I am afraid of the laser. it gonna burnt and hurting my forehead areas? I mean, is eyebrows located count like "Eyebrows located on forehead?" or whoever works in anatomy might can telling me the area's name.

anyway,

yesterday I conceal my eyerows to avoid the tattoed brows appear like this, but you can see it is still hairy on the brows area.

I think I'm one of people who look weird without eyebrows, IT IS MEAN, I WAS UGLY AND DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BALD AND LONGER MY FORHEAD (Before I done my eyebrows embroidery). oh gosh... but ok lah, I was stupid and thought it was artsy but ended up like..

THE PEOPLE LAUGHED AT ME.

Yesterday before I decided to blog about eyebrows, I went to nearby cosmetic store which has a lot of cheap makeup and local makeup. I love cheap and local makeup anyway, is it still called drugstore makeup for cheap makeup? or change already?

during my appointment or visiting the store, MY FUCKIN' PROBLEM ALWAYS BE.. I wanted to buy the cotton for wipe my makeup with makeup remover. but ended up buying plenty things I don't need and ended up regretting with it. 

but different with this one, Eyebrow pomade. now I am applying the Pomade easier than the pencils stroke for drawing my eyebrows. still, I need longer flat brush sticks to draw it nicely, different with Meg, my makeup friend, she can apply it with small stick flat brush. 

look at these cute holo and brown colors fusion in the package, I decided to buy 2 colors even it has 4 colors shades and has black color. but who wants super black eyebrows  (emm, maybe cosplayer?) and I told the seller, I want two shade of brown, Medium Brown and the Dark Brown. 

back at home and realize the colors not that far different even both are two different shades. well, I can use it for my brow pomade for going to do my makeup artist job. you might think I am crazy because I have more than 3 jobs, well.. THIS IS LIFE AS FREELANCER.

sometimes I hate it sometimes I love it.

what inside of the package?

the pomade and the small flat brush with spoolie to mix and blending the product incase it strokes too hard or not blending well.

this is the product inside and firstly it is satisfy me because of the glossy product and untouch yet and I felt pity to not destroy the surface of the new eyebrows pomade from Implora, it gloss reminds me of wax which old people use for was their mails or...

This is me after I applied the pomade, look how eyebrows can draw you better and I love how the eyebrows bent pefrectly and make me look friendlier.

see the differences between with and without, AGAIN, I SAY.. I AM NOT JEFFREE STAR WHICH LOOK NORMAL WITHOUT EYEBROWS. 

He might not a human, he's an alien. hehehe . PEACE JEFFREE.. I LOVE YOU, PLEASE SEND ME YOUR PRODUCTS PERMANENTLY OR MONTHLY FREE. LIKE YOUR NAME , JEF-FREE, HEHE.. 

what is the "Free" Stand for? Freedom or Freem... NVM.

Okay, now is the judgement time about this local product, Implora has known as a cheap local cosmetic which I recommend for the makeup beginner, so you won't feel Lost your money a lot since you're a begginer of makeup.  but trust me this brand is cool and I've collect all their lipsticks and trust me butter scotch is rare after Lili (Lyodra) used the lipstick as the base of ombre lips which mostly Indonesian girls love.

PS : NOT ONLY INDONESIAN WHO LOVE OMBRE LIPS, WHOLE ASIAN DO I THINK.

Stay 24 Hours ? Yes, Absolutely true, I drew 2 lines on palm of my hands and this is not erased while I done activity. 

Waterproof ? 80% YES. IT IS. when you softly rub it with water, it won't easy smudge and fade away. stay longer but hardly rub going to make it erased.

easy to apply ? Depends of the skill of the user of this product, for me.. the brush can't make me draw better because the brush is combine with spoolie, it's two sided to stroke the pomade's product to apply on the eyebrows. myself, I love long flat brush I own other the original brush from the package.

Horny? OH FUCK, why this question comes to my mind? 

What you don't like about the brand? THE COLOR SHADEEEEE, please from 2 colors I own and 2 other that  I didn't choose, I really want the color that match the brown hair, I mean from 2 blended brown shades I own, it is still cannot make me feel this is match color to my hair nor my skin with yellow undertone as most Asians do have.  But anyway, I hope this brand of pomade can give solution for the brush problem I have personally, but if another people feel this is good, it is okay..

many people cannot use small brush for the eyebrows. 

is there any Question I need to answer? Please Personally contact me by email,DMs and other social medias because I love my readers.

OHHHHHH HEY, Anyway I would like to tell you what makes me so busy lately? I am currently creating my old business growing!!

WELL THESE ARE MY STUFFS I CREATED. I make my childhood's dream come true, I would love to tell you later in another entry of the blog!

I show you what I do for my daily and spend my leisure time, when there's no client 

for nailart or makeup.

up here are the beads I create as the bracelets, where's the chain? of course, when I got a buyer I'll attach the chains into the un-chained beads thingy I hasn't add to be fully chained bracelets.

Forgive my dirty fingers, I was playing with hairspray  and trying doing some hairdo as I learn in an small academy,so I am practicing it. Did not realize if it's too dirty to be captured on camera, this floral beads is the one of many difficult knots? I made this with super dooper  calm feeling and concentrate a lot for counting the beads compeletely look as stunning floral beads bracelets.

I love Pink and Purple so I created one purple unchained bracelet.

I think it is the snow shape for sure, I live in west Indonesia.. NO REAL SNOW HERE, but when I googled it recently..

I just knew if snow has shape like not all snow have same shapes, it has plenty shapes.

Love shaped beads!!

I want to leave you in deep curiousity. because I know that I have sooooooo many stories to write in my blog diary.

if you beads lover, I would like to show you my creations in next entry!