They did me nasty.
At this moment I really want to tell whole of my readers how I feel, after years of become a victim of my family. Not my uncles/auties but brothers and my mom.
I know my mom is a good person but also she has good way of betraying her only daughter. You can call me a bad daughter for this truth and anything I write. Sometimes I just need writing down my feelings after that I will absolutely feel better. Coz during this time of I am working on my blog. I hate my brothers and my mom, let's just say I just hate the way they treat me.
Yes I graduated from best university and all people wish me for having a good job at the office at least but years of trying. And 2 jobs I had. My mom never satisfied. She always telling to whole family that I am not working yet and in front of my face. It's hurting me a lot. Never try to decline what she said because she has very old school mind which think working in non office = no job. But she always tell everyone I have no job. But what about my nail studios and makeup freelance job??
She never care. And I am so hurted by brothers too. In my life where I see every daughter will treated nicely and of course new stuffs to wear or use.
I definitely treated so bad during my university starts..
Let's say that time I started how to become away from family and I feel that is awesome when I had my life more free and nothing can make me feel bad.
New clothes for university? No. I EVEN ASKED FOR NEW CLOTHES TO MY MARRIED COUSIN. She had many clothes I wear to my uni. That time my mom always telling me she has no money and that happened all the time I asked new clothes because I say I need pair new one to at least match my university's students at my uni.
I been bullied for clothes I wore,but I didn't care because my uni has typical of covered clothes where I was a girl who has short skirts but it is still ok because under the knees. I believe everytime someone tries to not care of what another one say, she/he will get mentally abused. The difference just can or can't you pass this.
Well for 2 years of my university life I am okay with my old university clothes. Then my dad took me to buy new clothes on my birthday. Also he bought me new phone that time. That was the first time I had 2 or 3 new clothes and jeans.
During the time of my mother she say she doesn't have a money,she secretly saved the money for my brother. He wanted to be someone who needs to pay a lot for the career. Can't tell what is this job. But this one is the one who paid more than 400 millions rupiah to finish it. But ended up with he gave up and went to the rich and borjuis university.
During his time of starting university,he was only need zoom meeting and still paid very much. 3x of my uni payments.
But one time I saw that my mom gave money for him to buy new clothes. And of course I feel hurted. I was begging clothes to my cousin but later on.. I saw he has chance to buy new clothes. And my mom say it's his own money. Oh.. what a liar! He just a mama boy,which the mother treat him as a king and I hurted a lot for what my mom did for years of my life.
Not stop by that,
When I was in uni.. I tried my best to never asking anything that charge her a lot. Yes I went to university with Art and Design faculty.
Art stuffs are expensive and I well known as someone who borrowing friend's stuffs. Such a shame but that is my way to suffering things around. I wasn't able to buy stuffs.
You might think I had my first laptop when i started my uni. Haha.. you wish. I had it new because my old laptop broken already and it was belong to my brother. I have 2 brothers anyway. Let's call him A and B for the latest brother.
I never had something new other than begging from part of family I have. I always keep calm for that but FUCEK.. FUCEK AND FUCEK..
A and B always got new one. And since I see how my parents treat me and them.. they're spoiled boy. And because I understand I will never treated as them. And this treatment making me love to thrift the clothes because I only can buy the cheap clothes by money I own. Because I am the only one who spent money a lot of repairing and adding needed stuffs to this household .
I can't tell more of what happened in my life, sometimes I must keep it as secret. And if you guys think I am okay. I think I am okay but my environment is not.
If you say be a good girl so they like you,you wish. When I try to be good. They will push me and treat me like an animal. This is hurtf fact about me.
I just feel today I should tell the world I am not okay atm.
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