hey kid(s) this is your ibu..

if you have hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia please do not come here, this is a phrase for someone that has trauma for long words/sentences. who found this name? what a fucking relate to me. my brain capacity destroyed and I don't know how to read the phobia's pronouce tbh. I was thinking maybe this is afraid of hippos but I was wrong.  well let's to the topic.. 

 I never tell people I am having trauma in some things, many fears I own but never mention it. 

today I will telling you top 3 things I wish I never see,hear or touch. well, if you one of someone that hating me. read it fully! because I know if someone hating someone, they going to mind unrational things like.. they going to find how to make you uncomfortable. l.

well, I feed your satisfaction, Hater(s) for telling you these 3 things I afraid of. before I explaining the fears I have, I want to tell you that I thought I was the only one that having afraid with these 3 things but..

there's plenty people having the same fears and name them. like Thalassophobia means you have fear of deep ocean and the brain of people with Thalassophobia gonna started to make kinda hallucinate and thinking there's monsters in the deep of the ocean. so I been find of what my phobias name..

but I am sorry, I can't show you the pictures, because maybe one day I bored and re-read what I've write on my blog then see things I hate, I will started to thinking about it like all of the day.

Hemophobia

I don't know where it's started but when I was a kid, I remember I injured my fingers with cutter, yes, the moment happened when I was so young, I bleed a lot when my finger sliced and blood came out. but maybe this is one of my parents' way to make me stop playing with cutter. and I started to be afraid of blood. plus, in that era.. I think in 2001-2002, no blur for blood and I believed the cringe and low budget of SFX makeup were real but when I grow up with the Hemophobia, I started to be afraid of blood and anything I watch in a series of punishments, I forgot the name but this series were aired with fake blood things. but I found this is weird to be honest, during me growing up...

I had my first period at my Uncle's house, to be honest that time I feel something bad under my navel area, like I was walking and the uterus area started to feel so hurt inside, but in next day. when I see my toilet paper, I was shook and cried (maybe, because I have bad memory).. 

I saw little drop blood on my paper towel when I need to wipe my ass. in that day I felt I need to covering it,then my mind was stupid I put lot of toilet paper inside of my underwear, oh gosh... stupid me. since that time I won't be affraid to my own blood and I am ok if I found myself on period or maybe the heat too hot and I started to have nosebleed, I am not afraid anymore. 

but, if I see someone bleeding or injured till blood come out, I will actually run and never want to help, I am sorry for this commitment, because I am so afraid of people's blood. I'm used to see doctors took my blood for tests, like days ago I am ok with blood taken for checking what really happened to me. the vein  around my arm was injected and blood taken. 

so please, do not blame me if I couldn't help people's dying on street after an accident. also, if I been told like that is fake blood, I won't feel that scary because I kinda watch some of movies with gore. but after told it just fake blood and only showed on screen of TV or Phone, I am still scare but not as scared as if I see in real life. 

Rambutanphobia

I don't know if this is what it's called. but my relation to rambutan started from childhood phobia later on my brain thinking THIS IS ONLY FUVKIN RAMBUTANS!!!! but later on, I just feel unconfortable and my puberity mind making me thinking the spoiled rambutans will looking like a black and reminds me of ballsack with pubic hair. I know, I know.. you will say I am dirty minded, OF COURSE... 

hehehe... but yea, Rambutan is one of fruits I don't like. okay then.. it's not an interested story. but who else thinking rambutans do look like men's balls with hairy but ARGHHH.. I feel uncomfortable. bye.

ah... okay maybe only those two. another phobias I won't tell, because I worry someone who doesn't like me play with that because it's out of the topic, I worry if I walk alone down the street and a pervert come and open his cloth to show the dick.. oops.. okay lah, enough, I am afraid too with someone who does exhibition shits. bye... this is the real bye for 2023!!!!!!

December dump stories!!!!! FUCK 2023.

 Been hospitalized for days after such a weird problem of dehydrations, you might guessing how I get dehydration problem. maybe almost 3 weeks, I felt I want to puke and vomiting. I don't even understand why I get that disease, for the bloodtesting, I am having negative of salmonella and typhus. 

days in hospital kinda made me feel so bored! why??? NO ONE ACCOMPANY ME, EXCEPT MY COUSIN I asked to come every noon, because I don't want to annoy her morning. huft!

now I am better and decide to blog, I really want to change my blogskin to be better but you know, I am always curious to handle something because only me that having nice vibes who show people I am having blogskin that making me look like an unstable teenager. but I have reason to did change a bit in future..

I want my kawaii style written on my blogskin. I have many of Kawaii blogskin I've seen, mostly are pink and flowerry. with let's say.. better quality of header but I really need to change the background with blings I have from sequin fabric I own. I hope it going better with bling sequin color as background or is it too much and I might gonna change it!   

anyway, 2023 almost done. and I still can't hold promise for being a stable for blogging, I mean some shits happened. plenty things happened. the broke up,bankrupt and many more hurted me already, now the time for me to raise and shineeeee...

everytime I read "raise and shine" I will immediately remember how Kylie sang for Stormi. 

well.. I think it's little bit of why I hate 2023 December. but I still going to blogging again soon. such a weird post but I just randomly write this to balance my mood. because at the moment I feel so fucking bored and trying things to raise my mood!!!!

Can Facebook shut up and not telling me the old memories? + Bad met up I wish I never had.

 for some reasons, I really want my red hair become light brown and I want everyone loves my hair, since I am breaking it start of 2023. I was crying and can't stop using hair extensions. was a bad memory to remember how my hair become broken and GOSH!!!!

sometimes I really want to forget the past but why Facebook did me like... come on! not all people can and admit it was them in the past. and I always afraid of my stupid writings there. also, if I could back to that time, I was just a 12 year old kid with huge interest to have facebook just because it has GAMES IN IT!!!

2010 me,fake my age just for playing the fish tank stuffs that I forgot what's the game name, I tried to search and it says the game name was Happy Aquarium, it was just fun to get more games after that. like I pretty loved this game, later on there was Ninja Saga which I play just because it has like characters of Naruto. used to be so obsessed with Facebook's games. also the one I loved was Mall World and if I am not wrong there was a game name Stardoll. I like games like virtual simulation. 

I have lot of happy things I remember in that era but I was just a girl who started her journey of life and yes, I admit that I love attention but people seem so careless or just hate the way I am writing those, my mind was so free but now I need to handle most of the freedom for writing or I will ended up with regret with what happened. like, every morning after some rituals to keep my self beauty and always be fresh, LOL. tbh.. first thing I do is always checking my phone because I have a little problem with my morning. well, let's be honest. I've been suffering morning anxiety, which I handle with finding myself a routine..

you guys don't need to worry, I went to Psychologist for it and she just telling me that I am struggling with past trauma that cause me a nightmare every morning. yes, Like I said.. I wish I forget everything I've been thru during my childhood. as a person,I always forgive whoever hurts my soul, I always bring them to every pray if I couldn't stop thinking about the past is haunting me. 

forgiving is an easy to do but forget it, it is not. well.. not all my memories are bad, most of them are but I fight that. 

umm... why all of sudden my mind remind me of what in the past happened, when I met my friend from USA? hmm..

will it become an amazing story? this story will full of hatred and confusion, are you ready to listen to my story? 

hmm...

so... back in the end of 2022, when I started to finding a new job and I got a message from a guy I chat with in 2018, American Nationality and Unknown racial background because he told me he was adopted from I think from border Asia-Europe border country. and I thought he's like a same age as me but he explained he's 25 or so? to be honest, I am more remember the first time I thought I was pregnant other this guy. but to avoid demand or something bad happen in future, let's name him Aaron, oops, DON'T this name sounds cute, hmmm...

what about Rick? I know he reads my blog,still.because I know this guy is too smart in schools' lessons but HE CAN NOT PLAY WITH A GEMINI AS ME. hahaha... 

now I am imagining, during this situation and he reads my blog, he started to yelled

"MY NAME'S NOT RICK!!!!" 

okay me and Rick met in a dating app which he used the premium one, where in the same day I made an account and people there mostly old guys who finding something like serious relationship, I was 20 yooo.. so, my journey for being serious was still long.

Rick and I had like less than 6 months closeness and I found out HE LIED and I couldn't forgive him because I knew I wasn't his ONLY INDONESIAN GIRL like he said. but an emoji burnt me and disappointed me, will you be ok if you see your crush,let's say, have a love eyes emoji from a girl?

the way I mad was so crazy, I did as always if I get disappointed, silent treatment is my key. 

later on, he felt guilty, beg for sorry and that time I more focusing myself for my university, I am still young! I hold that and I didn't worry about serious relationship. and that betrayal brought me to the situation called "it's okay to be single,other than having an affair with a liar" I never know after that. but I am a girl..

I felt guilty also for not giving me any single reply for months, but I met new people that make me feel I AM STILL YOUNG. and I contacted Rick to say sorry. and yes, we sorry each other but I don't want to be like a friend for him because I am someone that easily feeling pity sometimes. fuck this behaviour. sometimes I am confuse of this feeling where I will fall in same hole.

Rick and I had an intense message when I was looking for a job and he helped me to remake my resume, hehe..

but a news he said he will visit my town after he visited several towns, I mean for an American it is easy and cheap to wherever he wants to go also, I see that he has like lucky for the jobs because he's a genious, let's say a superior person. I knew he came not for me but I never care about that because during that situation I have someone who supported me so much and he helped me out from this trapped soul I have. well, Rick told me he will come in 12 of December and I said I can't in several date to meet him because I also have like church things to do. well, not so religious but... that time as a Christian I was busy. 

and the day we met,  I was just see a guy like 10cm taller than me and he started to have big belly but skinny body, I don't want to judge him, but.. for who I know this guy is an active person who biking a lot with many tricks maybe he can somersault with his bike. tbh, I remember Fabio Quartararo Fell from bike, but Fabio cute! Rick? um.. where's toilet please? you call me rude? well.. let's read more so you will know, who Rick is.

people change, that's what they say, same as Rick, all I know he has a very talkative way and used to be very nice, but in the day I met him once in the train station. Jesus, I saw a face of confusion and tacky, was thinking "is he think I dressed weird?" my mind say so,because I fully covered my body with big hoody and long jeans. but I hate every topic he told me because before he came he already reads all, and all he questioned to me was like..

bruh? you went to xxxxxxx and of course you have superior mind, please don't ask anything that will ruin my artsy brain. 

so we went to Asia-Africa Museum, I never wanted to be there, not because I hate histories but.. I just hate crowd, lot of students there and I was there just stare stuffs because I didn't feel good but to show how good Indonesians are, we sometimes fake it to make foreigners happy. I pretend to be happy, also I told him can't home at night because I am afraid of darkness, I mean fully dark. most of Geminis hate dark. if you don't believe, ask your Gemini Friends.

we watched like how white people colonialized the Asian-Africa people, in the end I don't know how to answer his question, appearently he's a white guy but he asked me

"what do you think about what happened in Asia and Africa was colonialism by white people?" dude,you're white :( how to explain, I will be racist if I answer even I say I hate one of them, it called racist. so I just say I don't know.

instead of answering his provocative questions, I'd rather to change the topic,

one of Rick's questions is toward to Soekarno and how I feel about Soekarno era, I hold my laugh because I started to thinking THANK GOD, YOU SEPARATE US SOONER , MY LIFE SHOULDN'T BE THIS FREAK WITH WEIRD TOPICS.

I mean, does he think I was 100 years? I wasn't even born that time. is he running out of the topics? or what kinda alien is he? 

in artsy way, I am explaining another thought, because I knew one of Soekarno's wife has high artsy lifestyle .

walked to the art street called Braga Street, we talked a bit I found some situation that making me feel not good to met him. I always telling him I have a big interest with the fish in the pond and we met again in another day behind Isola's tower. and I was there with a very covered clothes and tomboy way, because first of all we gonna go to Tangkuban Perahu, the Volcano and it very very cold there during mist spreading and make our eyes can't see clearly

"we only can be there less than 2 hours, my mom told me the sulfur can destroy your lungs,but for local their lungs kinda work with situation cause been there like for long time" he said ok we went there only less than 2 hours and I didn't took any single pics of the volcano because I can be there again whenever I want (not when it's erruption ofc). 

we went back and I am the typical of I quite but I am counting, because we rent the driver and I asked like $5 higher for him and I only pay $10, the cost of renting the driver was 25 and I remember he wanted to go to Floating market. which I know it cost 5, so well I paid 5 for him, so it means a genious split bill. he kinda think I tricked him but I AM LIVING IN BANDUNG SO I KNOW WHERE WE GONNA STEP AND HOW IT COST.

plenty of things I thank to my God,to separate me with Rick. because Rick has weird behaviour called "freak" and I can't stand him at all when he strongly open the app like an uber to put us to the hotel, for me maybe because I've seen so many art like this hotel, so for me what I was thinking was how to carve, how to mold or do this and that statues. because it's unique with Greek way of sculpture. 

if you want to know, people which work in art not that so care to another artist, like what the meaning or anything, most of my friends in art and design uni, did art for their way to kill the time or maybe just want to make their art better day by day, some of them like my friends who create statues, they increase the skill after that? they will put the clay back to the strorage. there's lot of people creating art without deep meaning.

while my hands moving and my eyes looking at those hanging sculpture of statues, because my mind command me to move the hands like I must know how to create it,temperature to burn the clay to be that good. or is it create by the creator by hanging the wires or HOW??!!!

Rick interrupted my mind by asking the meaning when I was imagining to create, I mean, why you ruin my imagination, ofc I am not understand the meaning, most of the art made for aesthetic only and no deep meaning. hmmm... THANK GOD.

That day I pretend to be happy to guide him with all his weird behaviour, I texted my friend, I know I will sound rude to tell y'all what I said to my friend, I said I want to escape and never want to meet him again in my life. this is going to be a goodbye. single high five at the apartment he was in and he said

"see you later" to be honest in my mind, I WON'T SEE YOU AGAIN. I back to home by uber car because it was raining,I said tell me if something happened. and I didn't even see him, I can see him from corner of my eye. I am sorry Rick. 

before, Rick gave me a plastic bag of pasta and a paper, in my university, I Learned psychology of education. which tell the fact the more ugly the handwrite is the more intelegent the person too. I thought I have ugliest handwrite because at age 10 my teacher kept telling me to write tidy and stop drawing on the books. LOL.

DAYS LATER HE MENTIONED A NAME OF THE OWNER OF INSTAGRAM OF THE GIRL I JEALOUS ABOUT BACK IN 2018, AND REASON WHY I LEFT HIM. I started to thinking like, why he did it to me? does he know I was hurted? does he know that time I was crying because I thought I found someone that told me I am the one?

what is in his mind? okay, if that what you want. I just be quite again and never mentioned anything, I am happy if he happy with Indonesia, later because I rarely post anything like, what I eat, the places I went to or even clients of my makeup or nails. it was only me, because I think I am in love with myself. no lah, kidding. 

he doesn't stop, whenever I check who the people that check my stories because I am not one of people who likes to check their own story viewers. when I see him there. of course I will check him back and now I know his scheme that making me feeling THANK GOD I FOUND A GOOD IN GOODBYE. 

because I started to think this guy made all things up and tried to make me remember everything, I was thinking he might took revenge and camuflage behind "want to meet me" as his weapon to see and know me more by talking with me more. revenge can do anything, maybe I mentally hurt him or maybe he was hurted too that time. I thinking was I the immature one but why he blow up everything. since that time I worry about him and everytime he be there like sign me to see his story, I won't see at all. but ended up with him liked the story or maybe my post.

he acted weird when he tried to show me all he have, but in that time I have a crush too and I told everything to my crush what happened. he said "don't pay any attention". BUT I AM CURIOUS HAHAHAH...

Once when I see that he liked one of the post, I saw that he celebrate friendship day and post with he said his friends and exclude me, ok. I am not his friend. then later on he posted a view of a girl and I see and also I know her name, I saw his phone notification, the name showed up. FYI, I private my Instagram. I think this guy won't be stop till I give him a single reply coz I never mentioned anything to him after the meet up. also he has a GF (this is not the girl in 2018) . so why should I care? 

he kept posting things which showing how romantic his life and he new GF, while I am here full of confusion. I took an action to not really care.

but Rick is became weird, he said plenty time he wants to visit my town again and I say, go on. I mean I can't accompany him during the situation here I am having things to do, I don't know many times he mentioned me and all I did just say ok, yea or sorry I can't go with you, I'm busy with work. 

this guy has been weird and I don't want to meet him again, even if one day I got a wedding invitation of both of them I won't go,because one thing I told him before when we were in uber on the way to his apartment.

"I learn Thai, because I really love the vibes and hown people can be what they want there, the only place me and my special one one day to have maybe honeymoon or just be together there, also I have Thai bestfriend" 

you know what he did? HE TOOK HIS GF TO THAILAND AND HE POSTED LIKE TONS OF PICTURES NOT LIKE USUALLY,USUALLY HE POSTED THE STORY LIKE 5 MAYBE BUT IN THAILAND ITS MORE THAB 20 AND I DIDN'T SEE MORE, the more I see that the more I want to puke because I can clearly see how he mock me there,LOL. and I just can smile and as a Gemini seeing the guy who tried to destroy my wish.

as I said in my mind when the last time I saw him, I say. I will never meet you again. seems like Rick very stubborn and asking me things about my town and of course I will answer but for meet up again? so sorry Rick.

To Rick,

let's forget our old memories in 2018, I didn't know how my silent hurt your feeling or how, we've say sorry each other and we got no chance to repair the breaking glass. we won't be together, I am happy with everything we had and I hope that's enough for you. I know I still stubborn and might never see you again, because our destiny isn't same. when you read it, you will understand how I confuse about you. you didn't tag me as a friend is enough to tell how you have afraid or maybe you did that because you want revenge. who knows?

Hi Rick, I am here happy for you and what happened in 2018, let it go, release yourself hatred and disappointment, I quite that time because I hurted so bad, when I fell in love I found something is wrong with someone I admire. no matter how you write down your feeling on facebook or social media, I will never be your old DJ.

we can connect online, but you will never see me again. as what I promise to my heart :)

hello from Indonesia, if you already back to your house in the U.S which  I don't know the state name or even the town,remember we have story that we might never forget but let it be our history. I am sorry if this going to hurt you more but trust me, in our goodbye, there's a good. for me, I focused my uni better and for you, you focus your job overthere, I hope you and your GF will be forever, no obstacle and sharing positive vibes :)

I hate horror movies , fuck you horror/gory movies!

PS : I am sorry today I don't tell story about my sims 4 because I haven't play it for days. but I have plenty things to say about "The Sims". I can't promise when I will start to write about it. hope it going soon.

I might need to calm myself because this week everything happened! TOO MANY THINGS HAPPEN THIS WEEK. 

but the one I thing make me surprise is ... my old housemate marry a famous person, I know him and his desire for being fame. I BELIEVE 101% HE WANTS TO BE FAMOUS ONLY. because I shared a house with this guy back when I was in uni. HE'S OBSESSED TO ME FAMOUS IN INDONESIA. Also he uses his student visa for work illegaly here. I know everything but.. I am sorry, cannot tell all things happened in past. I am going to telling you only some parts and I am not gonna tell the name,his nationality and some other, to avoiding my future from demand could happen to me if in future he or the wife get offended by the truth happened back in years ago when we share the house together (WE WERE NOT SLEEP IN SAME ROOM)

anyway, I hope he has long last marriage, not faking the love, because he told me plenty things that impossible to tell for someone that has no romantic interest,was confuse but maybe he just found I am a good listener. were we have romance? NO. but he's one of guys who think I am cool and friendly. let's say we were love-hate mate. no romance happened with me but of course by the way he annoyed me and try to looking for attentions made me thought I need to prank him. so.. I did. 

once he back from uni (that time I already home first), because I know he used the student visa for working in Indonesia and try to fake the identity for free payment (he use his friend's insurance and caught faking it). I told him , let's  call his name "Finn" as a initial. he's richer than me and has plenty famous people around him, I don't want ended up in jail of cause telling the truth. I understand for him "Money Talk"

Finn and I were like Tom and Jerry, so I was in living room doing my art homework then I heard door opened, and he walked inside.

"Finn, like hour ago like 2 or 3 men came to the house, I didn't let them come to the house, they said you and Cole (fake name) used student visas but illegaly work in Indonesia" he surprised and very very scared. insecurities came and saw him like very very afraid and back to his room and I heard phone conversation by phone, I knew he and Cole used their student visa to work illegaly, because they kinda try hard to get famous and lot of money by illegaly work. also for Indonesian, they look handsome and of course it's easy to get job as model or art stuffs lah. I don't really understand Finn's jobs other than became a student of a uni.

anyway, Finn told me too he went to a tv show which letting him getting Indonesian girl to date, he told me stories while I was doing my homework in living room. if you an art student, you will be a good listener while doing your art. it enjoyed me to hear sounds and any voices while I am doing my art or writing. Finn has been illegaly work here and told me if he also has plenty celebrities number.

in living room, he lays on the sofa but I sat on the floor and use the living room's table and I like to do any art homework there without feeling hollow.

"Agnezmo asking me brand X (this is an expensive and very rare bottle of mineral water which not easy to find in my town, 60/bottle)"

"how can you have contact of Agnezmo?"

"I am the (I don't know it still call promotor or whatever), and her riders is this X water" 

"go to PVJ, I think it's available there, I never see any brand X in B market" I replied while I shading my art. he's the person which I can say. if he feel comfortable, he will tell everything out of his realization.

and he's very hard to work to be a famous person in Indonesia. and I really hope, he has long last one. not a gimmick and not hurting any heart of Indonesian girl(s). 

many people told me that Finn had feeling to me and it was the cousin's of the house owner. she told me, whenever he saw me with homeworks, because I spent like 5-7 hours to do drawing and after that I still in living room for writing the non-arts homework

"Bright, I know he likes you, caught him many times acted watching TV but he looking at you, sometimes when you use earphone, he seems like he wants to talk to you" I say that bullshit. but it kept going and confused me, on his bday, he brought a cake of his bday and gave me like a lot but I just eat a slice, I don't really like cake of birtday, he share a VN (Voice Note he rexorded) about him moaning with a girl and whispering, but the sound like has background of Tom and Jerry epic music, other than reacted to him and a girl moaning during sex, I laugh because the Tom and Jerry opening or maybe closing music. I laughed hard but I stop and say

"why the volume of TV so loud?"

"I don't want neighbor hearing it.." then in minute I keep doing homework, TO BE HONEST, BACK WHEN I WAS IN UNI. MY HOMEWORKS ARE LIKE BLOODY LOT! sometime, I wished I can out of uni soon that time.

and the last thing make me feel uncomfortable of his behaviour because the more I listen to all his story the more I feel this guy want to have sex with me, he has weird behaviour of randomly giving something to my hand, like he gave me seeds for eat by taking my left hand and put it onto my hand,he almost doing that when I quite doing my homeworks. but once he gave me a condom and I saw like

"FUCK YOU FINN!" I yelled because my landlord's cousin saw he gave me something but didn't know what is that.

I hold it in my hand. and landlord came because the yell I told him

"what happened?" she asked "he annoyed me, I am doing my art" I said, but the landlord's cousin asking me

"what he gave you?" Finn still stood there and my eyes looking at him with super cynical sight, he smiled like happy to prank me.

"a bubblegum" 

let's stop talking about Finn, he's married now but I know lot of his secrets. LOL.

in my life, if I ever watch a spoilers, I am feeling better because I hate jumpscares, I hate an explicit scene of mutilations or killing, and I am always be afraid to watch some gore videos online. I know nowday world is not okay. during the war of Palestine - Israel, I really hope people stop sharing the videos of death kids with gore situation. I mean, I know Instagram will automaticaly tell if it's disturbing pics or videos. BUT HEY... I BELIEVE THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINK "Rules is an order", so I clicked the gory video that time about how the kid(s) have their bodies and organs showed. I couldn't cry but my heart so hurt. why should we have war in this planet? 

sometimes, I am having many hatred anyway. but I never want to war anyone, because I am the typical of don't annoy me or I will stab you with my words, the best attack ever without punch people. back to the video I told you I clicked.

I am very afraid of horror and gory movies but of course I've seen some horror/gory movies for reasons and I want to tell you the review of them, as someone that hate horror/gory movies. I will rate NOW!!!

Rumah  Dara / Macabre

(100/10)

spent my day with my girlfriends at Joice's house. there was me, Sandra,Ruth and the owner of the house and DVD. that time, that time I was in junior highschool. one of them told Joice to watch Rumah Dara, firstly.. the nama is Rumah Dara, it is different Darah means blood but Dara could be a mention of someone's name, could mean Virgin. I feel doubt to be honest.. why should I watch the "Virgin House" ? . asked to see the poster and see the woman name Shafeera Daanish whch I know for some role she played, she always be a protagonist person,cheerful and happy. but why the cover look like this? I asked Joice, when this movie release, she replied 2009. hmmm that time I might still in 5 grade and I feel doubt why they gave it like this? 

the movie started, it was already gory and scary, because the beginning in the video is a woman taught the 3 of her kids how to kill, very psychopath mother!
it was a man who his head covered. in this story, it said the mother has like black magic who needs to kill people by trap them first, then executions by 3 of their kids, I forgot what the mother need from their organs. but also they sell the body organs illegaly, such a scary thing to know. this movie is super crazy, the gore they showed and how in 2009 they can create the illution so real. this movie is super scary for me. I give up to watch this again, but I would be okay if I watch the spoiler in Youtube and not going to watch the real movie with explicit way. 

I don't want to be a spoiler. so watch it online, maybe there's some sites you can visit to watch this fully. 

PS : lot of weapons and terrifying stuffs, like the saw machine and big machete. Anyway, I am very afraid of machine saw, so if I see the tree cut by the saw machine, I will begin to tremble. 

The Machine Girl

(9/10)

I watched this in 2008 maybe? when it still the fresh movie, which has weird name. so.. I forgot if it was me or my bro who took this DVD from my uncle's DVDs store. and we (bro,also my dan and cousin) watched it and I think in forgot many actions I saw here. but let me share what I seen.. 

very gory! I can't tell you the scene list by the durations. anyway, lil bit spoiler about it.. it's the revenge of a girl because the brother killed by the gangster's son and full of blood and very real effects of gore.

*this girl has her hand cut by katana (if you don't know it is the samurai's sword) with one swing and all blood splashing like, how can this girl survive? the blood sooooo lot! and also it is not stop there.. the fingers eaten by the parents of the kid who killed her brother, i was sushi fingers, ewww...

*after surviving,the weird weapon machine attached to her left (?) hand. this machine like a very fast and I was confuse this machine can shooting with like 100 bullets in second. what a crazy fantasy created by Japanese. I believe many of Japanese has interest in gory. fuck. my low adrenaline made me easy fear of anything like this.

*the mother's wore bra machine and it has sharps and rolling like a blender. I am very afraid of that scene, cause the girl's boobs chopped? sliced? eww.... it was the mother's attempt of destroy the machine girl's boobs, have you ever seen destroyed boobs? no? go watch this movie.

*I don't know who this man is.. but in a scene he had his face stab by nails, the nails were so big and he hasn't die yet. I am confuse yet i am afraid.

*I don't know who's this lady but I believe she's having psycho mind, so the girl came to a house with husband and wife. the wife fry hand of the girl, I heard the scream of the girl while the hand fried on hot oil. this part also make another revenge, later on where the lady open the boiled broth, and see the head of her husband then while she bent her head into the pot of head's broth, the girl stab the wife with full of anger. THAT IS DISGUSTING!!!! 

maybe there's still lot of actions and shows big injuries treatment of this sadistic movie I don't remember. happy watching and don't blame me about what you see later..

Qodrat

(9.8/10)

during Ruth graduation located in Festival Citylink or well known as Hotel Harris Ballroom.. anyway my graduation were online, so I never had any chance to feel the real graduation. so sad!

Ruth and Parents went to the ballroom and me,Sandra and Joice went to the upper floor, which same floor with the Ballroom,foodcourt and a cinema. Sandra paid us to watch, and there was a fresh movie called Qodrat, for me Qodrat means what the nature give or kismet. but i was wrong to spell it in whole life Qodrat is a name, but Kismet is Kodrat. 

this movie 21+ I think because it very very scary and can cause trauma. btw, believe it or not.. 

2 days before I watch this movie, I had a dream about demon from a mountain that looks like black wolf or dog, yep.. nightmare. I woke up with fully confusion and felt unhappy in that day. but it was like deja vu when I see scene about the Demon which haunting Qodrat and try to killed him in plenty ways has figure as the wolf/dog in my dream. I was thinking about exorcism.

this movie filled with Muslim's background, and I heard the Quran Verse in beggining. 

Qodrat give me vibes about how demons trying hard to destroy the belief of God, and Demons will give you what you want if, you giving something as payment. and I little bit learn about Muslim background and stuffs. scenes I remember that scare me to death! FULL OF JUMPSCARE.

the demon made hallucinate of the daughter of a lady which is played by Vino G Bastian's wife, and Qodrat is played by Vino G Bastian, he's the ustadz who haunted by the demon that haunting him and the Muslim Village get worse after some tragedies and all the field get worse and many of people die for several ways. I can't tell more about the religion,because I grew in Christianity.

scenes shocked me..

*Qodrat hung by the trance warden, the demon tried to kill Qodrat after years ago demon killed the kid while Qodrat try to exorcism the kid with Quran Verse. seems like demon have a high of revenge to Qodrat. 

*in the household, there's a single mother who raised 2 of her kids, the teenage kid and the let's say her bro 10 year old kid with wheelchair after accident happened, which is killed the husband and father of 2. once the demon tried to make the teenage daughter to hurt herself with such a hallucination of her father back home to celebrate the birthday, the more she hallucinate to slice the cake,the more she felt hurt and in general she slice her own hand,

*the only daughter of a houshold stocks by parents after she acted weird, her feet locked in wood. neighbors are there to read verse of Quran but they get shocked after the girl slam her had to the wood in her feet. she slams it while laughing and full of blood. and ended up with she passed away.

Tusk

(6/10)

EMMM... let's skip it, I hate this movie so bad. after the ending his GF not even give any action of helping, she left him. I hate that girl. give it rate 8 because instead of having adrenaline for watching it, i felt sad. and started to think how cruel the world is.

The Forbidden door / Pintu Terlarang

(100000000/10)

I HATE HORROR MOVIES BUT... I spent my time to mesmerize Fackhry Albar.

Don't you think he's handsome?? HE IS! I mean those eyes!!!! I enjoyed when I see him with such eyecontacts to the screen. I know he's married already,but can't I be a fan? 

okay, let's say Gambir is the name of the guy who married to wife named Talida, and she done an abortion and force Gambir to put it to the statue he made. later on, he made a show of his statues, with the theme of pregnant ladies and ofc, he has all the statues sold. 

ah you better watch it! THIS IS AMAZING MOVIE. If I spoiler it, you won't feel how amazing this movie.

the scene that sadistic is in the celebration of x-mas and the supper in big table and full of foods! you will see slowly how sadistic this scene.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! watch it!!!! I won't give spoiler or even like scenes. coz you better watch it other me giving you spoiler.

Human Centipede

(∞/10)

I curse my ex-boyfriend to told me this movie!!! during writing it, my eyes are watery and I try to not puke. because I never watch full of it but I just brave enough to listen to the spoiler. I think it is has 3 sequels. and I never want to watch fully.

I try to attempted to watch it like many times but when I start, I always cancel to watch.

GOSH.. I REALLY HATE IT!!! this is from spoiler I watch in youtube. I never watch it fully because it's disgusting. this is story of a psycho doctor which obsessed with siam (conjoined twin) but he wants to realize his obsession of making human centipede. 

he did it and ARGHHH,,, why they make 3 sequels of crazy psycho and super disgusting. and also in sequel 3. it has like more than 100 people connected from mouth to anus. FUCK!  

okay then that's all. are you happy? other than the adrenaline raised now I don't want to eat anything and I will Fasting till I am forget about human centipede. 

DON'T MENTION IT TO ME AGAIN! if you do, I will do voodoo to you, haha lol. I joke! BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO WATCH HUMAN CENTIPEDE. 

addiction to edit my pictures make people think I hate being ugly (multiply scolded from online people)

have you ever had in my position? 

scolded because they say I catfishing people, for such huge edit of my pictures I posted online? I never want to catfish the people. I just increasing my way to look beautiful in pics, as you guys can see..

I am just a girl who wanted to look beautiful even it's virtually pictures and most of them are photoshopped. as what I learn at uni, I am having strongly interest for editing pictures myself. I love to look pretty, but human can't be satisfy so.. the way to look prettier in pic is... EDIT THEM.

in 2015 or 2016 maybe, when I was in highschool. I hate a pic of me captured together with friends when we went together to celebrate something, I am forgot what we celebrate tbh..

I felt unsatisfied of how I look in candid. unsatisfied doesn't mean I feel myself ugly, I just need something to pampering my way too look perfect. If I ever hate myself I will obviously to listen to people of I need to treat my Vitiligo, like laser it of whiten it with some whitening injections. I was asked to enwhiten my skin by my mom and she always say will pay if I am okay with that, but I always refuse because I found it's unique, but people mostly say it a curse or something that make me look bad.

before you judge about I hate being ugly, have you ever heard or even ask yourself  "I want to be ugly" thats called ungreatful. when you already good but you want to look worse. but if the opposite, means like you want yourself better . means you're so happy with yourself and anything you do to make it look better.

good way to make yourself happy is where you don't hear and care about ugly comments upon you, for me I love bullying people without mentioning their name but because I only hate their behaviours but even I try to not hate the person, upon their face I saw all their flaws and what they did to me.

 so I have chance to release hatred hormones (?) I believe people do have. I'm only human guys, I am not perfect, but at least I know the TOP IS LONELY. anyway, I know I have many people that hate me but I act to not knowing it but hey... I know my haters. 

out of topic, I know if I happy, haters going to feel want to squirming and become hotheaded, I love making people try to hold their hatred, it is fun anyway. hehehee.. that's why do not hate me for any reason(s).

back to my photoshopped pics and get scolded because people pointing me as a catfish. well, I believe these people are people who seen my Instagram (now it's private to avoiding more haters making fun of my pics,because in my Instagram, I look so much much different and claps for the talent!

alright!!! I want to share my photoshopped pics, but I need to tell you anyway, I am going to have gyaru styled, more like Shiro Gyaru . it's not first attempt to look gyaru for me. and I been done makeup from the Indonesian to International. since I've been starting to show my makeup talent since early of puberity. also my mom supported me that time, she took me to a market and allow me buy like some makeup but, my mom doesn't understand if her friend (the lady who sell the makeup in market) is selling fake makeup. to avoid myself having skin problems,I only choose the multiple color of eyeshadows. 

back to the photo editing, time flies, my addiction were only with makeup, starting to saving up and went to mall myself. and collecting lot of makeup to practice almost everyday I back from school and took pictures of it.

 

I know my wig is not the best one because I bought it secondhand from a store in Pasar Baru Bandung,

back when I was in university I bought lot of wigs maybe twice a month in secondhand wig seller, after that I will wash it with cloth softener. but those wig away already because I forgot where I put the wigs. Thank God, I am still having light brown color wigs and I tried to cover the un-tidy side with scruches.

if I am not wrong, maybe less than 5 people confidently told me my face is okay and no need to edit it, maybe some of words made me feel, alright no edit. but after I see most of my Instagram pictures of who I follow. THEY SET THE COLORS, SHADE AND POSES. 

what the hell? they asked me to stop editing my face pic but they also edit the pics. I calm myself and still trying to be ok with that.

stupid me, I followed what the say. later on I change my mind and make my mindset full of what I want to create endorphine and not listening to the people who hate the way I edit my pics. same as all people, I just want to look great and if my photoshopped pics make you like me and found out I am far different in general.. 

I AM NOT SORRY. 

I do what I want that won't make anyone in danger, what will happen if I too much photoshopping my pics? none. but sometimes I worry If I ever lost and all picture the polices show to publics are photoshopped pictures. I mean in this situation, there's pro and contra. 

but I am also known with vitiligo I never try to photoshop. I love my vitiligo. of course people will easy recognize me if I lost or kidnapped. but who wants to kidnap someone cute and funny as me? of course he or she have obsession with me or maybe just someone that hate me or my family.

most of Gyaru pose I see! It shows cuteness and mostly like a school-girl thing uniform. but I don't have uniform for gyaru. so I wear my semi look like uniform to look like a school girl!

now I am having my mind in my first night of wedding night, I shall using the uniform and playing roleplay with hubby.. hehe..

8/10

I know that my columella is flat but I promise. I don't have a flat nose because my flat columella, it seems like I have flat nose. anyway. it just flat columella. maybe one day I will show you side of my face. one day I will do nose surgery to make me look better. if you call me ungreatful, fuck you. 

I am greatful! THAT'S WHY I am gonna make my better self.

Cringe smile because sometimes, I can't have great smile all the time. and my weakness is where I should take pictures together with people. let's say, I will have cringe way of smile. 

if we meet in general, please delete if I look not better or having cringe smile, why? because I'm not used to smile to strangers.

so what you think about my confession? the edit brings me to trouble which not all people understand why I am using photoshop to make myself look better.

I am Greatful to have this face, like for an example..

if you have a new house, will you just let it unfurnished,full of spiders,or even look like a haunted house? of course no! right? (except you have economic problems)

you will renovate it and make it better as before. same as me, I am greatful even I am mostly editing my face.

next I will showing you my sim's family which I create, it is sims 4 and I've been following sims since it's in PS2 and was the castaway, later on, when I have my laptop . I started to play sims 3 during my highschool , it was so fun when I create the household with a mermaid as a member.

because my sims 3 was complete DLC (my friend lend me the sims 3 and all dlc(s) he had, and he installed it for me, anyway he has lot of collections of the sims 3).

so, stay tune!

I will make an entry or more about the sims. I will show you everything on my mind :)

I'm a hater.

I just want to write a succint entry. because I think it's fun to talk about it to internet and if I got someone who has same mindset,  so we go Bestfriend, LOL!    

 am I the only one that will have stigma if I see a guy (neighbor,and he married but still living with parents in law) that always in the garage, sit on the floor while he focusing his mind for gaming. I mean get a fucking job!

I can say I am having the different industry as many people do, I am feeling annoyed everytime I am out from my house like example, I went out for buying something at supermarket and I see this guy focus only for the game. does he work? I mean if he's a worker. he won't have leisure time like everyday!

I am owning a nail studio and bag selling industries but this guy seem like no job, focus only to his phone like 24/7. and I am not planning to stalk him but everyday, EVERYTIME, ALL THE TIME.

I SAW HIM WITH THE PHONE HE ROTATE AND I believe he's playing game like maybe COC?

I am not this angry but, as a father of a child (I never see the child because I have no curiousity to know the kid's face) BUT THE AS THE FATHER, OTHER THAN PLAY A GAME IN HIS GARAGE (I can see him when I hang clothes in the balcony and also that house has no fence, I can see clearly this man only gaming till night) PLEASE HELP YOUR KID TO CALM. I feel baby blues, even I haven't 

maybe week ago,
I heard some yells and it was so... GOSH!!! at noon your kid crying like in hours, sometimes I feel intterupted while I am doing my job or maybe feeling really want to watch some movies on internet or watching apps like Netflix.

this guy is a father of a kid who cries like hours but instead of calm his kid, he let his parents in law calming the kid and he kept play the game on his phone. okay, enouh.. I am going to arrange my mini warehouse of the bags. 

How you wipe that ass with that long nails?

hey peeps, Missing me? I've been away for long time and I am back to blog!!!! since I got 3 fuckin' businesses to maintain in marketing stuffs. it took so lot time,  by learning how marketing goes, because I didn't focus myself on selling at my uni. I thought marketing is only "how cute the brand I sell" it is about everything!!!!!

I didn't know location is affecting the price of stuffs I sell. finding it's hard to selling the stuffs where I am having my tiny warehouse in my house which located in a housing area. man, I am also not a good neighbor after some of neigbors always see me with no smile and resting bitching face I own.

***

days ago or so, I made an Instagram Question(s) bar and someone asked me how do I wipe ass if I have a sharp and long nails.

one problem happen to me atm, why? coz I found it's hard to type with this long nails I extend myself. I love my medium almond nails.

been caught many times by friends who told me

"how can you change your nails like everyday?"

I mean I have nail drill and can remove the surface of the uv gel then change its color(s) . also I've been told about my nail obsession. yes, I do have nails obsession where I have plenty things I did without any plans.

like, I will feel insecure if I see nails with some ugly diseases, like.. the vulnerable toe nails my auntie has. I always try to make it better like I am not going to cut it with clipper, but always with nipper. found out nipper is better for broken and ugly nails.

so, because of my nails are my obsession. plenty questions I have got from people. anyway, it needs more effort and some applause because I make this entry at almost 3 AM. my brain works harder while my ears listening the podcast.

because I love my readers so let me answering most of questions are increasing my insecurities, because sometime they asking me questions which making me feel.. 

okay... okay.. I will answer!!! don't dodge the gun upon my face please, I've been doing anything to make it beauty, but I don't want die in ugly face. LOL.

going to start with what most of Questions people ask about nails in my POV or could say "personal cases" between me and nails.

Do you let your boyfriend pick your nail design?

first of all, I am single but I always hope I have  a boyfriend who accept me to do anything I want. like I am okay if he goes out with friends to do guys things like go to warnet (net cafe) take the night shift for playing games, I also let him to spending time more than hours being with his friends even it's girl because I giving him trust who once it break, no apologizing. for special occasion I might going to asking him secretly what kinda nails he likes and he thinks cool. 

boyfriend always be a boyfriend, you know what I mean? sometimes, a boyfriend know what his girl wants, but pretend to not understand or maybe he just careless. boyfriend going to make random things and choices. like "I like mie goreng" like.. WHAT THE... wait a minute, a noodle theme nails? 

so.. I won't let my boyfriend pic my nail design. sorry future boyfriend. 

anyway, I would love to date Harry Styles, he own nail polishes called "pleasing" CMMIW.

How many times in a week you changing your nail styles?

atm, I will say whenever I feel I have my lot of time I will change the colors and design. I have pretty lot moods anyway, but I never leave my nailart, which I can use the peel off base so I will peel if I feel the color not match my mood, or maybe sometimes if I ever feel the long nails isn't a good idea for something like, sometimes everything got delayed coz my nails too long. might going to cut it as comfy I feel. like atm, my nails too long for me and it's hard to type so fast, hey.. Readers, I SACRIFICED IT FOR YOU, GIVE ME GOOD VIBES. even I am not nice enough.

peel off base really helps me to create anything I wan't on my nails or extension. Found it satisfy to peel the polish while I listen to podcasts. but my extension stay from 4-12 weeks, depends how me/costumers do (care) with the nails. 

here's some pictures of me and the nails I made on my nails 

Have you ever had your clients came with complainin or maybe some other negative cases?

OFC, mostly the came and say their nails turned yellow after eating something with Turmenic in it. so, since that time I always told my costumers after they eat something with Turmenic, wipe your nails wih acetone. 

yet, got so many clients say UV-lamp is painful and burning sensation.  it is normal happen. but clients are king so, I am getting more knowledge about then UV-lamp. and I will get them in 99 seconds timer. it'll make burning sensation reduced.  but the more I read the more I am curious,UV cause some of clients also me, having my hands' skin dark.

now, my studio only use the infrared lamp and the UV only for press on nails and metal sterilize for nailart because compare to UV-lamps the infrared cost more for electricity usage. and clients must say goodbye to UV-lamps.

As a nailist, do you find it's a great job?

yes, Indeed. it's challange me to learn more and more become someone fun, like do you believe the nail styles they have been asked. I can see what their jobs and stories behind them. I am not the typical of gossiper and telling what are their stories. I am keeping their secret. I am not leak any story of them but trust me, every clients' secret(s) won't be leaked. even tho I'm trying as honest as I can be. secret always be a secret!

I started do my own nails since I was so young anyway, so my life has been more than a decade using nail polishes. yes, teachers were so angry and asked me to remove but I always keep it on. and most of amazing color I have. but that time purple was my collection colors, from the pastel to the brinjal color.

umm,,, 

let's answering Questions about the Clients,Prices and many more because the section of my part has done, but if you wanting to know more send me DM on my Instagram @Brightjeremiah98. 

Two of Questions under are lil bit nasty and dirty, make sure you are ready to read more :)

How to wipe your ass with those long nails extensions?

Depends how you do it, I mean in Indonesia we have unique way to wipe the asshole. wash it with your left hand, Indonesians believe left hand is bad hand where we think being lefty is weird, when I was a kid I was kinda scolded by my elementary teacher for using left hand for taking stuffs. and I believe my right brain work better than the left, because I used left hand mostly when I was a kid. sure, the fact is I am born as a creative kid, not the smart kid. I mean, I know some school knowledge but not master in it, like how I avoid mathematics, because I always bad at it.

back to how to wipe the anus during long nail extensions, make sure you are not stick your anus because some girls love long stiletto nails which it's sharp, anyway the longest stiletto nails my studio on is 4.3 cm long and super sharp. so, if you are not wiping your anus like Indonesians do... 

role the tissue and wrap in your hand,then slightly wipe it, DO NOT STICK YOUR ANUS. just wipe it between the butts.

How you pricing your nails?

I always giving presents to all the brides, I don't take any price for the brides, I let them to choose but still pay cost for transportations.

but if they're not the bride, I give them cost from 50k-more depends of how many addings they want, like now (Nov 2023) I started from 50k in 1 color, but here's the addings list clients can choose from the cheap to the premium.

what kinda style that mostly clients want?

um... I know I love to put the cateyes on my own nails like most of the time I am changing the nail style, and my studio has like more than 10 colors of cateyes. people like to see how shine the cateyes on my nails, during communications with client(s) , let's say 40% were influenced by my cateyes nails. but many of the clients asking like non-cateyes. many of clients wanted like more into artsy and more like Y2K. 

how would it be if a girl with long nails extend to masturbate?

first of all, I never searcg "long extended nails girl does masturbating" like.. I am not a lesbian, I have same gender and I have the thing now we called "camel toes" hehehe.

so, WHAT FOR I SHOULD KNOWING WHAT MY CLIENTS DO WITH THEIR EXTENDED NAILS? 

yet, It is privacy for them, but THE HELL! NOW I AM THINKING WHAT WOULD HAPPENED IF CARDI B masturbate herself while she has very long,sharp and amazing nails? I mean, like would it become stick thru her uterus? and it's so sharp, she could stab you to die.

this is Cardi's nails. she's a gorgeous and very open, if she read it I hope she will answer this Question

Have you ever hate your client(s)?

nope, I have no problem with clients because I am holding "Clients are Kings" but I do have problem with a volunteer for being the model, like I should pay them to get their nails done, or they wanted the free one. like, who are they? I am okay to give my auntie free nail treatments because I was adopted by her when I was 3, because my family were far from enough (our economic very low) , and of course I undertstand my auntie, she also loud like me.

here it's me with selfies that been edited before I Post. Incase you miss me :)

as I said, I love Almond shape of nails and it's like my trademark.. it shows like my elegant way of nails and make my fingers look longer. please don't judge my fingers those cute the way it is.

one day I promise I will blog how it feels to use "not my shape" nails. which I will
wearing the longest nails I have, the Medium Stiletto. hmmm.. 4 cm , maybe I could stab my
haters and be criminal..

oh, I almost forget . this is my nails atm.I wanted to have simple elegant design,

Right

Left

Both of my hands

what you think about my nails now? my nails kinda too long and making me hard to type fast. need at least an hour to drill it and remake the nails. I didn't use Peel Off base at the moment.

if I get another Questions that interesting Questions. I will answer by some updates :)

Good day :)