addiction to edit my pictures make people think I hate being ugly (multiply scolded from online people)

have you ever had in my position? 

scolded because they say I catfishing people, for such huge edit of my pictures I posted online? I never want to catfish the people. I just increasing my way to look beautiful in pics, as you guys can see..

I am just a girl who wanted to look beautiful even it's virtually pictures and most of them are photoshopped. as what I learn at uni, I am having strongly interest for editing pictures myself. I love to look pretty, but human can't be satisfy so.. the way to look prettier in pic is... EDIT THEM.

in 2015 or 2016 maybe, when I was in highschool. I hate a pic of me captured together with friends when we went together to celebrate something, I am forgot what we celebrate tbh..

I felt unsatisfied of how I look in candid. unsatisfied doesn't mean I feel myself ugly, I just need something to pampering my way too look perfect. If I ever hate myself I will obviously to listen to people of I need to treat my Vitiligo, like laser it of whiten it with some whitening injections. I was asked to enwhiten my skin by my mom and she always say will pay if I am okay with that, but I always refuse because I found it's unique, but people mostly say it a curse or something that make me look bad.

before you judge about I hate being ugly, have you ever heard or even ask yourself  "I want to be ugly" thats called ungreatful. when you already good but you want to look worse. but if the opposite, means like you want yourself better . means you're so happy with yourself and anything you do to make it look better.

good way to make yourself happy is where you don't hear and care about ugly comments upon you, for me I love bullying people without mentioning their name but because I only hate their behaviours but even I try to not hate the person, upon their face I saw all their flaws and what they did to me.

 so I have chance to release hatred hormones (?) I believe people do have. I'm only human guys, I am not perfect, but at least I know the TOP IS LONELY. anyway, I know I have many people that hate me but I act to not knowing it but hey... I know my haters. 

out of topic, I know if I happy, haters going to feel want to squirming and become hotheaded, I love making people try to hold their hatred, it is fun anyway. hehehee.. that's why do not hate me for any reason(s).

back to my photoshopped pics and get scolded because people pointing me as a catfish. well, I believe these people are people who seen my Instagram (now it's private to avoiding more haters making fun of my pics,because in my Instagram, I look so much much different and claps for the talent!

alright!!! I want to share my photoshopped pics, but I need to tell you anyway, I am going to have gyaru styled, more like Shiro Gyaru . it's not first attempt to look gyaru for me. and I been done makeup from the Indonesian to International. since I've been starting to show my makeup talent since early of puberity. also my mom supported me that time, she took me to a market and allow me buy like some makeup but, my mom doesn't understand if her friend (the lady who sell the makeup in market) is selling fake makeup. to avoid myself having skin problems,I only choose the multiple color of eyeshadows. 

back to the photo editing, time flies, my addiction were only with makeup, starting to saving up and went to mall myself. and collecting lot of makeup to practice almost everyday I back from school and took pictures of it.

 

I know my wig is not the best one because I bought it secondhand from a store in Pasar Baru Bandung,

back when I was in university I bought lot of wigs maybe twice a month in secondhand wig seller, after that I will wash it with cloth softener. but those wig away already because I forgot where I put the wigs. Thank God, I am still having light brown color wigs and I tried to cover the un-tidy side with scruches.

if I am not wrong, maybe less than 5 people confidently told me my face is okay and no need to edit it, maybe some of words made me feel, alright no edit. but after I see most of my Instagram pictures of who I follow. THEY SET THE COLORS, SHADE AND POSES. 

what the hell? they asked me to stop editing my face pic but they also edit the pics. I calm myself and still trying to be ok with that.

stupid me, I followed what the say. later on I change my mind and make my mindset full of what I want to create endorphine and not listening to the people who hate the way I edit my pics. same as all people, I just want to look great and if my photoshopped pics make you like me and found out I am far different in general.. 

I AM NOT SORRY. 

I do what I want that won't make anyone in danger, what will happen if I too much photoshopping my pics? none. but sometimes I worry If I ever lost and all picture the polices show to publics are photoshopped pictures. I mean in this situation, there's pro and contra. 

but I am also known with vitiligo I never try to photoshop. I love my vitiligo. of course people will easy recognize me if I lost or kidnapped. but who wants to kidnap someone cute and funny as me? of course he or she have obsession with me or maybe just someone that hate me or my family.

most of Gyaru pose I see! It shows cuteness and mostly like a school-girl thing uniform. but I don't have uniform for gyaru. so I wear my semi look like uniform to look like a school girl!

now I am having my mind in my first night of wedding night, I shall using the uniform and playing roleplay with hubby.. hehe..

8/10

I know that my columella is flat but I promise. I don't have a flat nose because my flat columella, it seems like I have flat nose. anyway. it just flat columella. maybe one day I will show you side of my face. one day I will do nose surgery to make me look better. if you call me ungreatful, fuck you. 

I am greatful! THAT'S WHY I am gonna make my better self.

Cringe smile because sometimes, I can't have great smile all the time. and my weakness is where I should take pictures together with people. let's say, I will have cringe way of smile. 

if we meet in general, please delete if I look not better or having cringe smile, why? because I'm not used to smile to strangers.

so what you think about my confession? the edit brings me to trouble which not all people understand why I am using photoshop to make myself look better.

I am Greatful to have this face, like for an example..

if you have a new house, will you just let it unfurnished,full of spiders,or even look like a haunted house? of course no! right? (except you have economic problems)

you will renovate it and make it better as before. same as me, I am greatful even I am mostly editing my face.

next I will showing you my sim's family which I create, it is sims 4 and I've been following sims since it's in PS2 and was the castaway, later on, when I have my laptop . I started to play sims 3 during my highschool , it was so fun when I create the household with a mermaid as a member.

because my sims 3 was complete DLC (my friend lend me the sims 3 and all dlc(s) he had, and he installed it for me, anyway he has lot of collections of the sims 3).

so, stay tune!

I will make an entry or more about the sims. I will show you everything on my mind :)